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Hey SS234,
For those of us who have lived with active alcoholics we learn to tune out what they say and only "listen" to what they do. Actions and behaviors not talk. It's a useful skill in all relationships actually!
An alcoholic or recovered alcoholic is still who they are. So you're right to realize his issues are not just "alcoholic" issues. So in your mind, take away the years of booze, and even the years of recovery and just see him for who he is to you - I would say his actions speak pretty clearly that he would like to string you along a little- he has another gal but she's away so why don't you come over??? That's pretty obvious!
Don't fret about whether he will be different with a different woman. That's a total waste of energy. Who cares!~ You're assuming the other woman is just like you, has the same needs as you etc. Maybe she doesn't need to feel "respected" like you do, maybe she needs to be with someone who is selfish and unavailable to her. See? It's absolutely fruitless to imagine that his relationship with her is like yours but "better." Impossible. 2 people bring 2 unique sets of needs, attitudes, behaviors to a relationship. So let it be.
Put down the magnifying glass and look in the mirror! You sound so sweet - do you know what you really want in a relationship? You sure? Don't waste time and heartache on someone who is unavailable for those things!! And remember: Actions & Behavior rule, not Words!
Peace,
B.
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