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Lucie · 05-25-2008, 02:20 PM

I started posting on the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers months back when my sister was going through a major rough patch(and so was I). I found it very helpful. So I thought I would give this a shot.

I’m 20 years old and I’ve been depressed on and off for as long as I can remember(I‘m talking when I was a tiny tiny kid). I’ve also been having panic attacks for as long as I can remember. When I was 15 I had a nervous breakdown around exams. After that I spent most of my high school career in and out of therapists and psychiatrists offices. I would have great days and weeks. And then days, weeks and even months where I couldn’t get out of bed. Around age 18 I started to get a lot better. And then it was off to college and even though I’ve been relatively happy(much more than high school!) and made a ton of progress I still can’t seem to shake these depressive episodes. I haven’t had a full blown panic attack in 3 years. After many trials and errors I finally found a great therapist who I have been seeing for about 4 years now. I take Xanax and Wellbutrin. I’ve been on several anti-depressants and all of them(including Wellbutrin) did not help in the slightest, if anything they made things worse. And I gave them time. Lots of time.
I blame episodes like this on the state of my life. I’ll say I don’t like my school, my major, my love life, etc- but really I think I’m a very depressed person who has learned a lot of coping skills, which is great. But I relapse. And in general I am not as energetic or happy as I would like to be. I never have been. I don’t think I’m very honest about that. I always tell people I’m fine now.

Awhile ago my psychiatrist suggested to me that I might be Bipolar II or a milder form of that. What is it called when you have these episodes of depression on and off all your life? Also, I think I have experienced some slight hypomania and I can get irrationally angry and irritable for no reason. It's always possible that in an hour or two I'll go back and read this post and wonder what the hell I was thinking, but I can snap out of these moods easily, but fall right back in.

I have always been diagnosed with Panic/Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder by doctors. But I feel like something is missing. I had surgery two weeks go which has sent me down a depressive spiral. I think it has made me realize that if I don’t figure out what’s wrong with me this is going to happen my whole life, and I really don’t want it to be that way. I’m back in that withdraw mode. And I hate it. Daily life has become a struggle again and I am at a loss as to what to do.

05-25-2008, 02:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
Lucie Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: The Sunshine State Posts: 45	Completely Confused I started posting on the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers months back when my sister was going through a major rough patch(and so was I). I found it very helpful. So I thought I would give this a shot. I’m 20 years old and I’ve been depressed on and off for as long as I can remember(I‘m talking when I was a tiny tiny kid). I’ve also been having panic attacks for as long as I can remember. When I was 15 I had a nervous breakdown around exams. After that I spent most of my high school career in and out of therapists and psychiatrists offices. I would have great days and weeks. And then days, weeks and even months where I couldn’t get out of bed. Around age 18 I started to get a lot better. And then it was off to college and even though I’ve been relatively happy(much more than high school!) and made a ton of progress I still can’t seem to shake these depressive episodes. I haven’t had a full blown panic attack in 3 years. After many trials and errors I finally found a great therapist who I have been seeing for about 4 years now. I take Xanax and Wellbutrin. I’ve been on several anti-depressants and all of them(including Wellbutrin) did not help in the slightest, if anything they made things worse. And I gave them time. Lots of time. I blame episodes like this on the state of my life. I’ll say I don’t like my school, my major, my love life, etc- but really I think I’m a very depressed person who has learned a lot of coping skills, which is great. But I relapse. And in general I am not as energetic or happy as I would like to be. I never have been. I don’t think I’m very honest about that. I always tell people I’m fine now. Awhile ago my psychiatrist suggested to me that I might be Bipolar II or a milder form of that. What is it called when you have these episodes of depression on and off all your life? Also, I think I have experienced some slight hypomania and I can get irrationally angry and irritable for no reason. It's always possible that in an hour or two I'll go back and read this post and wonder what the hell I was thinking, but I can snap out of these moods easily, but fall right back in. I have always been diagnosed with Panic/Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder by doctors. But I feel like something is missing. I had surgery two weeks go which has sent me down a depressive spiral. I think it has made me realize that if I don’t figure out what’s wrong with me this is going to happen my whole life, and I really don’t want it to be that way. I’m back in that withdraw mode. And I hate it. Daily life has become a struggle again and I am at a loss as to what to do.