[serenityqueen]

Hi Jaz!

First of all, thanks for sharing your story with us. Always helps me to get to know someone much better.

I was enraged when I read the story about the young lady and the oldtimers from hell. I cannot even imagine how that woman felt. Up, a natural high one minute just to be dropped flat on her butt like that. I Pray to God that she made it back to the rooms and that her relapse was brief and with as little pain as possible. Sometimes I feel like some of the oldtimers do more harm than good.( I'm sure I just opened up a can of worms here with that statement, but I said SOME and SOMETIMES . . . not all.) In the meetings I go to, the oldtimers have some rules that they stick to like glue. One being, if you bring up topic, you cannot comment on any other topics that were brought up in the meeting. About a year ago, a newcomer had the courage to bring up a topic. About half way through the meeting, something that was said apparentally opened up some painful memories for her and she started to speak through her tears and was cut off, told that she wasn't allowed to give any rebuttals. Ok, I understand where they don't want people to speak out when someone gives feedback, but this little girl, (about 19 years old) was hysterically crying, needed to talk sooooo bad and was told basically that she should have gotten everything out when she brought up the topic. WTF? Can we alway predict when we are going to have a breakthru in our feelings? Haven't most of us stuffed our feelings long enough? Luckily she when the circle was broken after the closing Prayers, she went to the bathroom so me and a few others followed her there. We sat in that bathroom for nearly an hour with her talking. And if she hadn't let herself go with her feelings and held them in,like she was basically told to, who knows what could have happened.

Re: Methadone. I didn't realize that you were on Methadone too.If I read your thread correctly, you were prescribed it for pain,right? I've been on it since July of '05. . . . . since day 2 of Recovery. I had tried so many times and for so many years but the PAW and Chronic pain due to Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, previous back injury which resulted in surgery (sciatic nerve involve too ) had me in so much physical pain that if one thing wasn't kicking my butt, the other was. I don't think Methadone Maintenance is for everyone, don't think I'm saying that. But for me, my history, my physical pain and the 32 years I used, 25 of those addicted to opiates, the addictionologists felt it was the last option for me. I have no doubt in my mind that if I hadn't gotten in MMT, I would not have lived to see the end of 2005. The enormous amts. of pain pills I put into my body were enough to take a horse out. To this day, the Dr.'s scratch their heads and say that God sure has plans for me, especially since my liver panels are fantastic. I can truly say that I AM a miracle.

Thanks for your sharing and I appreciate the opportunity to just speak my mind.

God Bless,
Judy