Originally Posted by
Callie 
Thanks so much guys - especially to the RA's. That helps so much to see the other side. H and I were up until about 1:30 this morning talking about things. He flat out completely denied being on anything. He was just "tired". His pupils were small, s l o w talking, walking, some slurring, he kept sniffing - like his nose was running. I don't think he's snorting it, but he has a few times in the past but gotten sick from it. Does your nose run like that from opiates? By the way, he says it's percocet. Another question? If percocet can knock the normal person out, why does it have the opposite effect on him? Why does that make him go and do? Also, he says that they (whatever it is, percocet, darvocet, methadone, oxy etc) make him feel "normal". What does that mean?
I question this because bipolar has been mentioned several times by pdoc's - but then some say no, it's the drug use. He has been treated for bipolar in the past with multiple types of meds, but they've not really helped him.
For whatever reason after all of the lies last week that I caught him in, I'm *just* now getting how much he can lie. Before, I've always had a gut feeling if he was on something, but he would deny it so strongly. Saying things like "I would tell you if I had something, I'm just tired or I don't feel very well." But he got up yesterday and was go, go, go. Which is very unlike him. Usually he's very lazy. The clincher was that at times he has said, yes I took something. So he uses the fact that he *has* told me the truth in the past and says "I would tell you if I was taking something."
I know, I know I need to let go and let God :praying. But I guess I'm just trying to grasp what is going on myself. Although this is NOT new to me, I've learned sooo much here in the last week. I wished I would have found this site earlier. I've spent tons of time and energy on marriage boards, but addiction/mental illness is foreign to the average couple facing problems I've found. I see people complaining on those boards and it's like "uh, yea - take a walk in my shoes. Just because he won't empty the dishwasher or sweep the floor is a walk in the park compared to my life." I'd do just about anything to have my list of negatives in this M smaller than my list of positives. It's completely the opposite for me - as it is for many here I'm sure.
Anyway, thanks so much for your help - this thread has been so very useful to me.
My abf he snorts hyrdos mainly... What you mentioned above about slurring and all that. My abf does the same thing. Not all the time mind you. I wonder somtime if he isnt snorting oxys. Any who I understand why you are wanting to know. This is the same thing I went threw. I wanted to know .... Well now Im at the point where it dosnt matter anymore. I can call him on it all day. And he will deny it everytime. He would even come home with pill hanging out of his nose and try to tell me it was morter. Morter (cement kinda stuff for those who do not know) Any ways it would be blue or white and mortor is not that color mortor is gray , the kind he uses.
If he is saying he feels normal on a substance then he is an addict, not just an occational user. There are some good cheap books on amazon about the disease of addiction I would suggest you do some research and learn what you can so you know what your up agianst. Or should I say what he is up agianst. I at the piont were the more I understand about this disease the less I want to be there for my abf . Do I want to live with this kinda crap weather he is in recovery or not? Not sure yet , taking my time with my feelings.