[youbadsquishy]

I’m gonna try to keep my intro/story as short as possible for now…just so I can get the advice and support I’m desperate for right at this moment.

I’m 23 and have been married to my high school sweetheart (24) for 3 years this coming June. Please, I’d rather not hear any lectures about getting married young. I’m very responsible, think through all of my decisions, and both my hubby and I had great examples of healthy marriage – both of our sets of parents married young and are still as happy as can be. My issue isn’t that I got married young and now I want to run around…and the same goes for him. I am so grateful I was able to marry him when I did…I feel like we got a few extra years. My husband is my best friend, my lover, my confidant etc. That’s what makes my current situation so hard. Let me summarize as quickly as I can:

1) Husband used pot in high school, actually sold it for a short time. Just before he and I started dating, he gave up the selling and the substance for himself. I came into the picture a few months later. He continued to smoke cigarettes, which I decided I was alright with, as he planned to quit within the year.

2) Husband stayed away from all drugs and alcohol for next three years, as well as quitting smoking, as he went on a 2 year mission for our church (LDS).


3) Upon his return, and our wedding, husband stated on honeymoon he’d like to have one cigarette for old times sake; I disliked idea but told him it was his decision but the smoking could not continue – 4 months after returning from honeymoon I finally admitted to myself hubby was still smoking but trying to hide it (he’s not good at it!) and he promised a new date to quit. Since that date, he has recommitted dates to quit smoking, having never done so. I realize I may need to let this issue go in part due to the following issues.

4) Hubby injured his bad knee 8 months into marriage and was given hydrocodone for pain. He refused to practice physical therapy (PT) and soon “reinjured” his knee, we were back in the ER, given more meds. This cycle continued about 5, yes FIVE, times.


5) At several points throughout this cycle of “injuring” his knee, my mother, who takes pain medication for a ruptured disc called me on several occasions stating her medication had been stolen (strangely enough, hubby had used the bathroom these meds were stored in, rather than the one all of us normally use when visiting).

6) On my birthday during this long injury cycle, mother in law came over and told me my husband was stealing her pain meds as well. Husband didn’t admit to this but I could tell by looking at him he’d taken all the missing medicine. I left the house for a walk and upon returning found him with over 100 asprin laid across the bed in rows…making it look like he was going to kill himself.
7) At this point hubby and I had long talk, he committed himself to telling me the truth, having me control the medications and give him his dose daily, etc. Obviously, this didn’t work out!

8) About 4 months later, husband went to psychiatrist and was diagnosed with ADD (my brother has ADD and I KNOW my hubby doesn’t have this problem) and suddenly he needed expensive adderall once a month. I noticed my hubby would stay up for days at a time with no sleep, would sweat like crazy, couldn’t perform sexually, and had “wild eyes”. Each time I confronted my husband about why I wasn’t the one giving him his medicine, about the lack of trust in our marriage, my concern for his health, etc. he would fly off the handle. He’d tell me he was leaving me if I didn’t believe that he wasn’t overdosing and such…somehow the argument would just dissolve and we’d be in the same place a month later. (He did the same with prozac for a time but I suppose he found adderall gives him the bigger high??) –can I please also say that when he would stay up all night he spends ALL night looking at porn…I don’t care about my hubby looking at porn within reason but he does it 24 hours a day when he’s on adderall…don’t even let me get into the symptoms when he comes off that medication!! UGH!

9) Recently, I caught my husband in a huge lie (I’d allowed him to take a few photos of me…he promised he’d never share them…then I found them online….stupid I know…let’s not go there please!) and I told him I’d had it with three years of lies. I told him that if he’d ask me about things, come to me about his ADD medicine, etc we would work through this issue together. I told him this was his last chance. However, just today I found the adderall bottle and he’s only had this new prescription for less than a week….and there is less than a week’s worth of medicine left. I took the bottle and hid it and am waiting for my husband to say something…He came in earlier and I heard him in the kitchen…I saw the panic in his eyes when he found his medicine wasn’t there.

I love my husband and more than anything I want him to be healthy and safe. I do not want to leave him. However, I am wondering if I need to kick him out for a week or so so that he gets the idea. Or, will that make things worse. I can’t tell my in laws or parents about this because they are the type to get overly involved and mess things up. Should I just cut off the money supply? We both work though…so I don’t know. I’m so upset that there is just no trust left in our relationship…and I’m scared for my husband….any advice or support is welcome!!!