Hey all: Just noticed this new forum. I usually hang out in the Bikers in Recovery forum, but I want to share my experience with medication in recovery. I am a sober active member of Alchoholics Anonymous since March 21, 1990.....
I have been on medication for depression for about 8 years now. 8 years ago, I crashed bad and I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I could not work and had to go on disability leave from my job. I struggled mightily between the Doctor prescribing medication and the A.A. old-timers telling me that if I was depressed, then there was something wrong with my program. I was 10 years sober at the time and a hard core A.A. Big-Book thumper with 11 sponsees. I was also district A.A. chairman for correctional facilities and I went to meetings in the jail and prison every week. I finally reached out for help and went to a treatment center to see if my program was out of whack. While there, I sat with Dr. Regehr, who was the medical director of the clinic and one of the foremost experts in alchoholism and drug addiction in North America at the time. ( He has since passed on ). He explained to me that clinical depresson is a disease of the mind that absolutely requires medication to rectify, that no amount of A.A. would fix it. I have been taking 60mg. of Celexa and 450mg. of Wellbutrin SR every morning ever since then. I also followed up Dr. Regehr's visit with a visit to the foremost psychiatrist in town, just to verify Dr. Regehr's diagnosis. He concurred that the medication was necessary and was not mood altering or dangerous to my recovery. This whole process took over a year. I was fired from my job half way through also. I used this experience in my A.A. recovery. I was asked to speak quite often at this time and I used this opportunity to blast the oldtimers who had said that depression was a sign of an incomplete A.A. program, reminding them what the Big Book says, that God has provided us with medical practitioners of all kinds to help us and we should avail ourselves of their services, that A.A. cannot fix everything.
Medication stabilised me a little over 1 year after my crash, but I had already been fired from my job and had to begin anew. I started my own business as a power plant consultant, then took a 4 year tour starting up power plants in the U.S. and also getting in on a nuclear plant rebuild in Southern Ontario. All during this period, I felt OK mentally, but I was tired all the time. Maintaining my sleep became critical to my mental state, so much that it ate into my off work time with my wife and I had no energy to do anything on my days off except sleep. At the 4 year mark of my road trip, the nuclear project crashed unexpectedly, leaving me holding the bag with a mortgage on a $230K house, 2 new vehicles and a business for my wife that was just getting off the ground. Long story short, 6 months later, I had to sell everthing and come home, so broke that we had to move into my wife's mother's house, because we couldn't even afford an apartment. 3 months later, I got the job I am on now. The tiredness was getting worse. Every day after lunch at work, I had to close my office door and power-nap for a half hour, or my mind would turn to mud and I wouldn't be able to concentrate. I would aslo have to crash for an hour when I got home. Friday night, I would go to bed and sleep 12 to 14 hours, get up on Saturday around noon or 1 pm, then have to go back to bed for another 2 to three hours. Sunday, I would have a little energy to go for a short bike ride, then Monday came and the process repeated. By February of this year, I knew that something was out of whack again, so I went back to see the psychiatrist that had prescribed the 60mg. of Celexa and 450mg. of Wellbutrin SR 8 years ago. He further diagnosed me with Atypical depression, coupled with chronic fatigue syndrome. He recommended adding Ritalin to help with the chronic fatigue. I was very nervous about this, reminding him emphatically that I am an alchoholic and drug addict. He assured me that the Ritalin would only take care of the chronic fatigue and not affect me in any other way, if I took it as prescribed. He suggested a max. dose of 30mg. in the morning and 30 mg. at lunch, staring at 10mg. first. When I hit 20mg., I became nervous about increasing the dosage as prescribed and stopped at 20mg. The effect was I could feel my energy level come up a bit and I didn't need to sleep in my office after lunch each day, but my weekends were still all about sleep. My Doctor had said 30mg. was ok, so I moved up to 25mg. I have written instructions from my doctor that say it is ok to take 30mg. twice a day, but I've been scared sh**less to do it. I know 20mg. ain't cuttin' it and 25mg. just barely keeps me even enough, so that I have enough energy when I get home from work, that I don't crash and retreat into myself. My wife Bonnie has said " Thank God for Ritalin ", because now I can have conversations with her again and talk about what's going on with me. Before the Ritalin, Bonnie said that I was retreating into myself totally, and she couldn't get me to communicate. I see my Doctor again on June 11th and I will be asking him to verify that 30mg. is ok and if there are other options to deal with my fatigue than Ritalin. I have not felt altered mentally by the Ritalin and I am gratefull that my fatigue is gone, but Ritalin is a narcotic. My sobrietry is the most important thing in my life, without sobriety, I am dead, but I also must Trust that God has led me to all the right Doctors in my recovery, to help me along the way. I believe that this new forum came about because God wants us to share our experience, strength and hope with all the Brothers and Sisters in this forum and all the newcomers who are watching us from a distance. I for one, am very gratefull for this new forum and welcome any ES&H that anyone has, concerning chronic fatigue coupled with depression and how you are dealing with it.....
