[gravity]

Something my sponsor pointed out (I kind of figured as much already) is that while I accept that I am an alcoholic, I am very ashamed, embarrassed that others will find out. This was a major reason why I had such difficulty attending AA meetings in the first place (I’m still amazed that I actually made it through the door). It’s been five months and they have yet to write a front page news article detailing that I am an alcoholic that attends AA meetings (oh, the horror). Of course, not one person has even mentioned it. I still do get a bit anxious, that someone will see me walking into an AA meeting, but it’s getting quite a bit better (I don’t hide my face anymore).

Recently, people have shared with me that their friends/relatives are in trouble with drugs & alcohol which of course impacts so many others. Just today this happened – a colleague is in a custody battle over a little boy with a drug addicted father – a very serious situation. I am able to provide advice & comfort (sharing what I know about addiction, denial, etc. & just offering support) but I just wish I was at a point where I could be open about my alcoholism & AA experience.

Does this shame go away? I find that I am at a bit of a threshold right now. The anonymity I get in AA is great when I am in working on my own recovery but when I want to help others (family & friends of addicts/alcoholics) I just can’t seem to open up. I don’t have this issue when another alcoholic (inside or outside of the program) asks for help. Any thoughts or advice very much appreciated. D