You're not stupid, (((Comfyone)))
But, you've had an awakening.
Now you know that there are things you need to do to take care of yourself.
I know when I care for myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I feel so much better. Each day, try to do something for yourself in each category. Or start off with one and build up.
Do you see a counselor? Having someone to talk with will help you to deal with the panic you are having and to put it in perspective. Counseling can help with the meds too. And the counselor can help determine if a pdoc should be consulted for meds. Sometimes, the two together work best.
I wish you luck, and hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery.
Shalom!