I woke up in the early hours this morning with the sudden and frightening realization that i had "planned" my relapse.
I have been obsessing over a weekend away in a couple of weeks (holiday weekend) and had decided that i was going to be ok to drink after being so "good" for so long.
I had got as far as planning talking to my husband and letting him know that i could now handle it.(cough cough)
I had got as far as deciding what i was going to drink, how much and when i was going to buy it.
I had even decided that in the unlikely event of him saying that i shouldnt drink, i was going to hide it in a glass of lemonade.
I spent a good few hours awake pretty terrified and extremely anxious, after much praying and a new reslolve NOT to do any of the above i felt much better.
This is the first time i have managed to have the insight to understand what people mean when they say that relapse begins long before you pick up, boy were they right about that.
So my plan for today is to fly by a meeting tonight and re- commit myself to long term sobriety.
Thanks for letting me share this.