No need to apologize. Thanks for sharing that. It helps to talk about it.
I'm sorry you are going through this difficult spot.
I feel exactly the same way you do. I can relate to everything you write.
The only way out is to keep pushing forward through these feelings. It is not easy and it is very painful but these feelings will pass. Although you may not realize it at the moment, by facing these feelings and staying sober, you are growing. There is always something to learn and new ways to grow each time we face a difficult situation.
Keep reaching out. You are not alone!
Sending these big hugs for you!
We do care and we are here for you!