SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - New to the forum, AH has bipolar and would love some help.

Callie · 05-13-2008, 01:48 PM

Hello,

I am new to this forum. I will try to be brief. My husband is 38, I am 37. We have been together for 21 years, married for 13. We have 7 yo twins. He can be a great person, gread dad etc. But 3 years ago he was diagnosed with BPD. He's never been properly treated. He's been to family doctors, counselors and psychiatrists. HE's been on multiple combinations of medications, but none have really done what they needed to do for him. He finally just gave up and takes seroquel only. The only reason he takes that is because it helps him sleep.

He also has a drug problem. He has been addicted to methadone and oxycontin on seperate occasions. He'd went through a rehab and was clean for about 6+ months and then started dabbling again. He said it's mainly percocet here and there. The thing about it is that he will lie to me about his use and I'm naieve enough and he's such a good liar that I believe him. I can press him and 100% stick to that lie. Straight faced without batting an eye.

On top of that he also has trouble gambling (poker). What started this last episode is that I'd suspected drug use somewhat, but not sure. This past weekend H went on a gambling binge and was gone from Thursday until Monday. I knew he was @ cards and had locked him out of the house on Sat night when he came home etc. etc. etc. Yesterday I get a call from someone he plays cards with. Apparantly several of them are very concerned about him. They'd not seen or known him to use drugs, but apparantly he was almost passed out @ the poker table, making stupid plays, slurring, couldn't walk straight, almost hit a parked car etc. They verified that it was drugs (pills). I guess over the course of the last 2 weeks he's racked up $1400 in poker debt (I had no clue whatsoever) yet to be paid AND he'd borrowed $1000 from his mom about a month ago (I'm assuming for poker debt - I also had NO clue about that until she told me.)

I confronted H about that today and he was livid, felt cornered, betrayed, demanded to know who called me. Said if they were real friends they would have talked to him directly. The guy that called DID try to talk to H, but he flat out lied and said he wasn't on anything. Anyway, I'd asked H about poker debt AND drugs prior to telling them that someone had called me. He flat out denied all of it, everything. When I pressed him on debt he started to get a sense that I knew something so he said he'd borrowed $200 (in reality he owes $1400). He also said he hadn't borrowed any money from anyone else when I pressed him about his mom he said he'd borrowed $50 from her when in reality it was $1000.

I could go on and on and on. What do I do? How can I help someone who can't even be straight with me? We've talked about divorce ALOT during the last years because I'm constantly mad @ him for something. He screws up left and right and I'm so sick of picking up the pieces from the bombs that he sets off in my life, our life.

Any advice on anything that I can do or is it a lost cause if he can't even see or admit that he has a problem. BTW, one of the counselors that he saw told him that drug use could be creating bipolar symptoms, which I agree with. But he's been like this on and off for 21 years. Any insight that anyone has to offer would be greatly appreciated.

05-13-2008, 01:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
Callie Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 1,908	New to the forum, AH has bipolar and would love some help. Hello, I am new to this forum. I will try to be brief. My husband is 38, I am 37. We have been together for 21 years, married for 13. We have 7 yo twins. He can be a great person, gread dad etc. But 3 years ago he was diagnosed with BPD. He's never been properly treated. He's been to family doctors, counselors and psychiatrists. HE's been on multiple combinations of medications, but none have really done what they needed to do for him. He finally just gave up and takes seroquel only. The only reason he takes that is because it helps him sleep. He also has a drug problem. He has been addicted to methadone and oxycontin on seperate occasions. He'd went through a rehab and was clean for about 6+ months and then started dabbling again. He said it's mainly percocet here and there. The thing about it is that he will lie to me about his use and I'm naieve enough and he's such a good liar that I believe him. I can press him and 100% stick to that lie. Straight faced without batting an eye. On top of that he also has trouble gambling (poker). What started this last episode is that I'd suspected drug use somewhat, but not sure. This past weekend H went on a gambling binge and was gone from Thursday until Monday. I knew he was @ cards and had locked him out of the house on Sat night when he came home etc. etc. etc. Yesterday I get a call from someone he plays cards with. Apparantly several of them are very concerned about him. They'd not seen or known him to use drugs, but apparantly he was almost passed out @ the poker table, making stupid plays, slurring, couldn't walk straight, almost hit a parked car etc. They verified that it was drugs (pills). I guess over the course of the last 2 weeks he's racked up $1400 in poker debt (I had no clue whatsoever) yet to be paid AND he'd borrowed $1000 from his mom about a month ago (I'm assuming for poker debt - I also had NO clue about that until she told me.) I confronted H about that today and he was livid, felt cornered, betrayed, demanded to know who called me. Said if they were real friends they would have talked to him directly. The guy that called DID try to talk to H, but he flat out lied and said he wasn't on anything. Anyway, I'd asked H about poker debt AND drugs prior to telling them that someone had called me. He flat out denied all of it, everything. When I pressed him on debt he started to get a sense that I knew something so he said he'd borrowed $200 (in reality he owes $1400). He also said he hadn't borrowed any money from anyone else when I pressed him about his mom he said he'd borrowed $50 from her when in reality it was $1000. I could go on and on and on. What do I do? How can I help someone who can't even be straight with me? We've talked about divorce ALOT during the last years because I'm constantly mad @ him for something. He screws up left and right and I'm so sick of picking up the pieces from the bombs that he sets off in my life, our life. Any advice on anything that I can do or is it a lost cause if he can't even see or admit that he has a problem. BTW, one of the counselors that he saw told him that drug use could be creating bipolar symptoms, which I agree with. But he's been like this on and off for 21 years. Any insight that anyone has to offer would be greatly appreciated.