SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - To Those Who Just Responded to: Just Registered"

pendragn · 05-12-2008, 03:19 AM

I want to thank those who responded to my first post Friday. Meant to check in sooner, but, stuff… I hope it’s a good mother’s day for all. Mine
(87) is in a nursing home and had a debilitating stroke a week ago today. I’m 55. Day three sober. Actually, the thought of booze right now is not appealing if not nauseating. Been wondering if I’m in some kind of detox/withdrawal. I have felt just as lousy upon waking as with a hangover. Will this pass? I must think I’m clever; one of my sayings is: “A hangover is only slightly worse than sobriety.” I still feel that way

Everyone’s triggers are different I suppose. I have been way overdoing it for about 4 years. Since last fall my schedule has allowed me to be free many early afternoons so that means the “bar” may have been open as early as 2pm. That has meant a lot of scotch and/or beer mostly.

Actually in my case, having none is easier than having one. Triggers? I smoke. I have been a daily smoker for over 7 years. And smoking and drinking seem to go together like milk and cookies. I have always drank but not like the last few years. Before that, once or twice a week, occasionally bingeing. The other thing is I used to fancy myself a writer. I did write. Big deal. So I was Ernest f---ing Hemingway. So the drinking was part affectation.

About mid-2004 I was metaphorically left at the altar for the first of two times by the same woman. Second time, shame on me. She revealed herself to be a pathological liar but it was my fault for trying a second time. The second time was January, 2006. In July ’06, I was hospitalized for atrial fibrillation (a heart irregularity). I looked it up. Excess alcohol consumption can cause it. In October ’06, I lost a high-paying job (not from drinking). I exhausted unemployment compensation before I found something else: adjunct instructor at a local community college last August. An adjunct receives very low pay with no benefits. I exhausted 18 months of COBRA health insurance and am now paying for an individual plan at $630 per month. In January, ’07, my son (now 26 and disabled; I have been divorced for 8 years) was severely ill for three months and I almost lost him. He is doing much better and he lives with me. I have been in platonic relationship with a nice southern lady for two and a half years. I am not teaching until the fall. With other resources at hand, I can squeak by.

Having the summer off is dangerous. More free time (to drink). Perhaps I picked a challenging time to stop.

I promise I will not repeat these sad tales. Allow me to ask again, on this third day is feeling really lousy physically normal?

While I will admit to having a cynical view of things, one valid coping strategy is humor.

Finally for this entry, my philosophy can be distilled down to this: Life is 97% ridiculous. It’s the 3% which allows us to go on. It consists of giving and receiving love, meaningful work (something that makes a difference), and the appreciation of beauty in art and nature. Too much to ask for? Sometimes it seems everything is too much to ask for.
P.S. someone deciphered I am in south Florida. Not originally. 20 years here, originally from Jersey, but don't hold that against me.

JD (Joe)

05-12-2008, 03:19 AM	#1 (permalink)
pendragn Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Boynton Beach Posts: 9	To Those Who Just Responded to: Just Registered" I want to thank those who responded to my first post Friday. Meant to check in sooner, but, stuff… I hope it’s a good mother’s day for all. Mine (87) is in a nursing home and had a debilitating stroke a week ago today. I’m 55. Day three sober. Actually, the thought of booze right now is not appealing if not nauseating. Been wondering if I’m in some kind of detox/withdrawal. I have felt just as lousy upon waking as with a hangover. Will this pass? I must think I’m clever; one of my sayings is: “A hangover is only slightly worse than sobriety.” I still feel that way Everyone’s triggers are different I suppose. I have been way overdoing it for about 4 years. Since last fall my schedule has allowed me to be free many early afternoons so that means the “bar” may have been open as early as 2pm. That has meant a lot of scotch and/or beer mostly. Actually in my case, having none is easier than having one. Triggers? I smoke. I have been a daily smoker for over 7 years. And smoking and drinking seem to go together like milk and cookies. I have always drank but not like the last few years. Before that, once or twice a week, occasionally bingeing. The other thing is I used to fancy myself a writer. I did write. Big deal. So I was Ernest f---ing Hemingway. So the drinking was part affectation. About mid-2004 I was metaphorically left at the altar for the first of two times by the same woman. Second time, shame on me. She revealed herself to be a pathological liar but it was my fault for trying a second time. The second time was January, 2006. In July ’06, I was hospitalized for atrial fibrillation (a heart irregularity). I looked it up. Excess alcohol consumption can cause it. In October ’06, I lost a high-paying job (not from drinking). I exhausted unemployment compensation before I found something else: adjunct instructor at a local community college last August. An adjunct receives very low pay with no benefits. I exhausted 18 months of COBRA health insurance and am now paying for an individual plan at $630 per month. In January, ’07, my son (now 26 and disabled; I have been divorced for 8 years) was severely ill for three months and I almost lost him. He is doing much better and he lives with me. I have been in platonic relationship with a nice southern lady for two and a half years. I am not teaching until the fall. With other resources at hand, I can squeak by. Having the summer off is dangerous. More free time (to drink). Perhaps I picked a challenging time to stop. I promise I will not repeat these sad tales. Allow me to ask again, on this third day is feeling really lousy physically normal? While I will admit to having a cynical view of things, one valid coping strategy is humor. Finally for this entry, my philosophy can be distilled down to this: Life is 97% ridiculous. It’s the 3% which allows us to go on. It consists of giving and receiving love, meaningful work (something that makes a difference), and the appreciation of beauty in art and nature. Too much to ask for? Sometimes it seems everything is too much to ask for. P.S. someone deciphered I am in south Florida. Not originally. 20 years here, originally from Jersey, but don't hold that against me. JD (Joe)