| God may well care for me, but He can't house sit if I can go for treatment. my out of state daughter seemed less than thrilled to come home and care for the house and dogs if i am able to go for treatment. so i'm screwed. i emailed the treatment place and they said i would not be penalized for coming back a third time. but i don't know if the place in my town would send me (and pay for it) a third time. i am desperate for help to stop drinking but have no income and no insurance. it's very expensive.
right now it doesn't seem possible. i will call my local place on monday to see if they would send me to treatment a third time. I sort of doubt they would after I left against staff advice the second time. I was scared to stay a whole month but now wish I had. i may have screwed myself by being stubborn and willfull. i see no help for me. i am afraid of what will happen to me to keep drinking like i am. it can't be good. i'm afraid i will drink myself to death and i don't want to do that.
i'm also afraid of spending a month in treatment cause my daughter graduates high school this month and i would miss her graduation. i don't want to miss that, but then again, i don't want to miss the rest of her life either if i die from drinking. i don't know what to do. i am so scared. i'm afraid of myself. i want to stop drinking but don't know if i can do that and live at home. please God make it possible to stop drinking. i can't do this alone.
i also don't think i can put this on my kids since it's my problem, not theirs. i don't know what to do
the lyrics from John barley corn keep runnig thru my head |