[shutterbug]

i don't cut, but i've scratched and picked at my face and arms since my early teens. It's gotten worse over the years. i haven't a clue why i started or could never stop....well, i think it might have something to do with my really low self-esteem issues.

And about the time i started was after my parents divorced when my mom stopped giving a crap about me and i rarely saw her...and my dad re-married a woman with a daughter my age who both ignored me for years on end (even when i spoke directly to them with a question)....unless i was being ordered to do something or being yelled at.

And my dad's always been so self-absorbed that even tho he worked out of a shop behind our house....he might as well have worked in another state. He was never there for me emotionally or mentally. If i ever wanted to talk to him...i always had to go out to the shop and talk to him while he did whatever else it was that was more important to him. And a lot of the time, he still wasn't really paying attention to me. I remember several times when I was talking to him....and realized he'd completely tuned me out to the point where I just stopped...mid-story....waited....and then just stood up and left after he never looked up from what he was doing. He never even noticed that I left the room.

I remember also....there were a lot of times when i would just sit in my room and cry softly. Our dog, Bonnie, who was a black lab.....would come in my room, lay her head on my lap and just look up at me. She was truely my only friend. And I felt that somehow she cared about me and i would just sit and talk to her through my tears as she continued looking up at me or laying her head in my lap.

Anyway...the picking took my thoughts away from everything. It was and has always been an escape for me.

Just my 2 cents.

Hugs,
Jenna