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mle-sober · 05-10-2008, 01:14 PM

I was looking at a photo album from when my kids were smaller. Just thinking I was enjoying it. And then, as I kept looking, I realized with this slow dawning of horror, that almost all of the pictures which I am in, I was either on my way to getting drunk (had had a few glasses of wine), drunk, or obsessively thinking about getting the next drink. There I would be, posing holding a small child, smiling into the sun. And I was drunk. I remember. Christmas, Birthdays, family dinners, enjoying the back yard on a weekend -- drunk, drunk, drunk, thinking about getting drunk, drunk.

I have always thought I was a good mom. And here comes mother's day with 4 sweetly worded, beautifully colored cards on there way. And flowers. And I'm finally "getting it" about the damage I've done. I honestly didn't realize until this week. I thought it didn't affect them because I'd been so good at hiding it. Of course it affected them! What was I thinking?

I'm making a pledge today. To put my children at the top of the list of things I need to think about before I drink again. I haven't done that before. Maybe it's been obvious to others who have children that that's what you need to do. But for some reason, I've been dense about it. I can't necessarily say how it affects them but when I look at those photos and notice how what I recall was all about the alcohol that day and nothing about my children, I know it's important. I know I need to stay sober. And it would hurt them if I don't.

Thank you. I just needed to share that realization.

05-10-2008, 01:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
mle-sober mle-sober Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Golden, CO Posts: 483	Mother's Day I was looking at a photo album from when my kids were smaller. Just thinking I was enjoying it. And then, as I kept looking, I realized with this slow dawning of horror, that almost all of the pictures which I am in, I was either on my way to getting drunk (had had a few glasses of wine), drunk, or obsessively thinking about getting the next drink. There I would be, posing holding a small child, smiling into the sun. And I was drunk. I remember. Christmas, Birthdays, family dinners, enjoying the back yard on a weekend -- drunk, drunk, drunk, thinking about getting drunk, drunk. I have always thought I was a good mom. And here comes mother's day with 4 sweetly worded, beautifully colored cards on there way. And flowers. And I'm finally "getting it" about the damage I've done. I honestly didn't realize until this week. I thought it didn't affect them because I'd been so good at hiding it. Of course it affected them! What was I thinking? I'm making a pledge today. To put my children at the top of the list of things I need to think about before I drink again. I haven't done that before. Maybe it's been obvious to others who have children that that's what you need to do. But for some reason, I've been dense about it. I can't necessarily say how it affects them but when I look at those photos and notice how what I recall was all about the alcohol that day and nothing about my children, I know it's important. I know I need to stay sober. And it would hurt them if I don't. Thank you. I just needed to share that realization.