| ((jerect))
after I started to notice changes in my AH's behaviors, I began to experience some of those same feelings you are having. I doubted myself, wondered if I was being over sensative, blah, blah, blah. Shortly, it became evident that It Was What It Was. With over 3 yrs sobriety, my AH had relapsed and was refusing to admit it to himself, his sponsor and anyone else.
There were many times when he was "under the influence" that I struggled with not saying anything, not doing anything, not screaming at the top of my lungs at the insanity of the life of lies that was surrounding me.
I spent lots of time with MY recovery people - learned that even tho he relapsed, I didn't have to go with him. I could still be true to myself. I didn't have to participate in that "illusion" of recovery he was trying to portray to his AA world.
It was hard, painful and heartbreaking - But I made it thru - not without bumps, bruises and many scars.
My question that I held on to during that difficult time was "If I did something, asked the questions, or whatever; exactly what did I think it would actually change?"
Just like you said "nothing"
So I wanted to encourage you to please continue on your path of recovery - do take good care of you - you are worthy of it and deserve a life that is Happy, Joyous and Free; regardless of the actions of others.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita |