| Honu,
I'm glad you're here. And I'm glad you're letting your alcoholism come out of the closet and into the open so you can heal. I was a secret drinker and that day when everything fell out of my so desperately contained decption, was one of the most important days of my life. The beginning.
One thing you said struck me in particular: "I decided to stop on my own, first. I can't afford to go to treatment, and to be honest, I need to do it for ME, by myself." Others here have taken issue with me before when I've said I don't believe any of us really quit on our own. But, knowing that you are looking to AA, and that the concept of a HP is not distasteful to you, I want to say that I think you have company where you are right now. I don't think you are on your own. I think your HP is there too. And now, we here at SR are too. So, even if a treatment program isn't in the cards for you, maybe remembering that you are not doing it on your own will help you be strong.
My first 3-4 weeks were so difficult. It felt impossible. But it turns out, I made it through. And you can too. Even when you need to pull out your list of reasons (great idea) and even when you are feeling desperate and alone. First, you're not alone. Second, we know how hard it can be.
I'm rooting for you,
MLE |