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Originally Posted by bo0omer  I'm three years sober. My wife, 15 years untreated alanon. I'm going nuts. She does not think that there is anything wrong with her... and she'll tell you. She is driving me and my 4 kids away. She is so bitter, so resentful. She's an adult child of an alcoholic too.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how much more I can take. It's harmful to the kids. She put up with my crap for 15 years, so I feel bad for not being more tolerant, but, she is really ill and needs some help.
Any suggestions...? |
Congratulations on your 3 years!
I've been married for 14 years to an alcoholic. He continues to drink. I attend alanon, see a therapist, and visit this site.
It is very difficult to overcome the bitterness, resentment, and anger that the spouse of an alcoholic feels.
In my case, I enabled my ah for just about all of our 14 year marriage, except for the last 5 months.
Of course the difference is my ah is not in recovery....but I do know that if he could sincerely apologize for his past behaviors (he tries to "moderate" his drinking now), it certainly would help me along in my recovery.
He has said in a loud, angry voice "I can't change what I did in the past", but never an "I'm so sorry for the pain I've caused you".
All that being said, how about telling your wife how much you love her and how you would like to support her in her "recovery" from this disease. Also, how about sharing this web site with her? Maybe she'll be able to relate to some of the stories, and it might help her realize she's not alone in how she is feeling...
Also, a question for you: Do you work a program to remain sober?
Shivaya