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Originally Posted by Cluelessluke  Freya, so you are suggesting that even though my father has not had a drink during my lifetime that some of his habits might have carried over from when he was drinking and those habits he has might have subconsciously effected how I feel towards alcohol? I'm trying to understand more because this is a new idea to me. |
Sorry, CL, this is my first chance to get on this site today.....but basically, yes, that's what I'm saying and what I've seen in my own family (my father's side) and with lots of other folks I know in Al Anon.....In fact, there was barely any drinking in my home growing up and my current partner had been dry ("dry" is very different than "sober" because a "dry" person can continue all of the other behaviors associated with alcoholism but just isn't drinking) for over 15 years when I met her.....but, man, knowing what I know now, it's so very obvious to me that alcoholism (the family disease) was rampant even though there was no drinking going on.
It's funny (and not in the "HA HA" way!) because one of the things that used to get me every time before I learned about this disease was, when my partner would do something totally crazy and hurtful or mean or self-destructive or off the wall....and I would be talking about what was going on with my counselor or with a friend who might have known a little more about it than I did, and that person would say: "Well, maybe you should try some Al Anon meetings," or "Maybe it would be helpful of you studied up on alcoholism a bit."....And I would go back to my partner and, stupidly, say something like "SO-and-So says I should go to AL Anon, " or "Do you think the fact that you did X might be related to your alcoholism?"...and she would say "I'm not drinking, so how can this have anything to do with alcoholism?" (Although of course she knew better because she had been in AA for several years before she decided that she didn't need that any more....but, of course, one can't expect a drunk -- dry or active -- to tell the truth about something like that.) And because I didn't know any better, it made perfect sense to me: no drinking = no alcoholism....
....Well, a lot of time and trouble later, I surely learned different...CluelessLuke, save yourself the time and the trouble...learn what you can now!
freya