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Your situation is incredibly similar to my own! It's nice to hear from someone closer to my age, because I'm typically a little younger and more inexperienced than most of the women of Sober Recovery.
My boyfriend is a heroin addict of 3 years, and went into recovery November of 2006. He has experienced a few relapses, but is doing very well in general - and as they say, relapse is a part of recovery.
When he first went into rehab, I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities of dating an addict - attending alanon meetings, reading up on treatment, recovery, and addiction, etc. I felt burdened at times, and sometimes felt that I was unprepared to cope with the difficulties of loving someone with a drug problem. I did walk away from our relationship at one point, but returned in a few months after he had proved that he could stay sober without my support, and also because I loved him very much. The longer he was sober and the more familiar I became with the process of loving an addict, the easier the process became. We communicate openly about his sobriety, and he tells me when he's having cravings or experiencing user dreams (I find that when he's having cravings, it helps to take his mind off it if we do something fun together, like watch a movie or cook dinner). In my experience, recovery becomes just a part of life, and we have a beautiful, extremely rewarding relationship. I want you to know that it is possible to have a great relationship with an addict.
Based on my experience, I can offer you a few pieces of advice, and I truly hope that it can help you in some way.
First, try to give it time. The burden of his recovery might significantly relieve once you are more familiar with what it's like to be dating someone in recovery. Like I said, it's become a routine for me, and I don't even feel inconvenienced by it. Which is not to say that loving an addict is as easy as loving an addict, which of course you know. Addiction certainly complicates things - I am just trying to say that it doesn't necessarily ruin a relationship.
Second, you might try seeing how he does without you. It's important that his recovery is independent of your help - while it is important that friends and family and girlfriends support the efforts of addicts, it is solely up to the addict to stay sober. Many womens' lives revolve around supporting their addict boyfriends and husbands - make sure he can stand on his own two legs without your help.
Third, listen to your heart and take care of yourself! If you feel that you need to spend time away from him, do so. Remember to look out for and love yourself. I'm sure you'll hear this over and over from the women of this forum!
I hope that you and I can stay in touch. Reading your post was like reading something I could have written myself. I hope my advice can help you in some small way.
Welcome to the forum!
Jasmine
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