[Sugah]

The event you related is tragic, Rufus. As a mother, I can't imagine the thinking behind it. I don't have a firm belief on an afterlife or a second chance in another, but I surely hope that little girl, somehow, gets to live out the rest of her life on another plane.

My mother is 82, and we've (my brother and I) had to step in and take a more active role in her health care. She's been horribly over-medicated, which is nothing unusual in a person of any age who's overly trusting of the medical community as a whole, but especially in the elderly, it can be fatal. But, we don't deny her health care because we've had some less than desirable experiences with the medical community.

How do I relate that situation to my recovery? I couldn't walk when I got sober. I couldn't focus my foggy mind to read. I couldn't keep my checkbook straight. Page 420 in the Big Book (452 in the 4th edition) was pointed out to me. Though it's not part of the first 164, it is worth reading for it's nuts and bolts value in recovery. I never just sit and do nothing waiting on an answer. I do what's in front of me to do, and however that turns out, that's God's will for me. I didn't put that in quotes, as I'm writing it from memory, and I'm sure I'm a little off. As a result of doing what was in front of me, I've learned to walk again, I'm graduating in a couple of weeks with an English degree, and I haven't bounced a check in years.

I know one particular person, down to his last dollar, who shared in the rooms that, "God will take care of me." Then, when asked later if he applied for any jobs, his answer was, "God will put the right job in front of me." This is a repeated pattern. As a result, he's had vehicles repossessed, been evicted from apartments more than once, has very poor health, and we won't even mention his track record with women.

When I do the next right thing, it doesn't always turn out the way that I would like, but that's where my faith comes in. Regardless of the outcome of my actions, if my motives are right and if I'm putting one foot in front of the other, I don't have to understand why things have worked out the way they have. I just have to have faith that it's happened for a reason.

Peace & Love,
Sugah