[wellgrrl]

Hello all...

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a few years ago. I didn't do well on medication and didn't like how it made me feel, so I discontinued that. I had problems with self-medication in the form of drinking. I wouldn't necessarily categorize my drinking as "heavy", but it wasn't normal, at least for me, and I stopped because I was sick and tired of it.

A couple weeks ago, I slipped and drank alcohol. After not drinking for 3 years, I had no idea what I could handle (and probably didn't care, truthfully).

I have been sober for 2 wks. now, but I'm bothered by anxiety and the emotions that go along with it. This makes me wish I could drink, but I know it's not good for me. I think I can stay away from alcohol, but I am tired of being controlled by my emotions and the anxiety/depression that I've suffered from for so many years. It's starting to take a real toll on my marriage and my life. I've committed myself to trying hard to get myself back on track and stop taking things out on my husband verbally.

I need help in one form or another. Therapy always helped me before, much more than medication. Unfortunately, finances don't allow me to go to therapy right now (I have very crappy insurance with a super high deductible). I'm faced with AA (or something simliiar) or some other group. Is anyone else in this boat? I also kicked an eating disorder a few years back (this was right before I started drinking...see a pattern? I do) and have suffered sexual abuse (2 rapes and I wonder how much they play into the person I've become). I don't know what's the best course of action to take.