| 10 Years of Failure...Please help.
Hello all!
I'm writing with what I hope can be deciphered as an upbeat tone. I was released from the ER this morning at about 8:00 after OD'in on Adderall and partially shutting down my kidneys. I woke up after the Adavan wore off, and promptly began to start pounding beers and washing down pils. I have 10 years, at the tender age of 21, trying to riddle my way thru this terrible disease of addiction. I am tired, I am sick, and despite my deep fear of the death I am headed to, nothing seems capable of dissuading my from my path of self-destruction. From growing up on the streets and sleeping under bridges, I have gained a life with a beautiful woman I love, a car, and even a place to call home. I stand completely of the verge here, my wife as well. I am desperate for some sense of sanity to return to my life, and without it I will lose the woman that means the most to me. I am being absurdly dramatic, and terribly sarcastic---but I think that's just my personality. I'm reaching out now, with several needs. A friend that understands---I haven't even talked to someone my own age in years, much less someone that has BEEN THERE. Guidance, I have a sponsor, but between him, the therapist, my family, I have too many goddamn people giving their two-cents, and none of it is fitting in. Lastly, I am reaching out of desperation---I'm terrified that this is the begining of the end for me, and despite my best efforts, I have found myself incapable of solving my problems. Maybe someone out there knows the feeling---I'm not a hard ass street kid, I'm a confused "out to do right" young kid from a good family. My life is dissapearing again, and there has to be a way out. Many thanks,
-Skye |