| My spouse is still punishing me.
I was telling my husband that I felt like he was punishing me for being an alcoholic and lying to him about my use. I said that I didn't feel loved. He said, "You've earned every bit of that punishment." And I just felt like I'd been punched in the gut.
He has told me he forgives me but he doesn't treat me like he forgives me. He has a big wall up and he does this "push-pull" thing with me - come here, go away. Sometimes it's good but if I insert my feelings and needs into the scenario, he gets upset. It has to be all about his hurt and how I betrayed him. It's as if I don't deserve to have my needs met anymore. We're in separate bedrooms.
I want to mend. I love this man. He's not perfect but neither am I, obviously. But I am done being punished for this. I've apologized in so many ways - written and spoken. The thing that has hurt his the most was the lying - I was a secret drinker. I've been sober for almost 3 months.
And I feel proud of the work I've done to be sober. I can't believe I am sober.
Okay -so my question: Have others been "punished" by their significant others? I am trying to be patient but does anyone have any ideas that might help? I am hurting. |