[Live]

hippy, thank you for sharing. I can identify with everything you said. And, for me also, I cannot complain about my meds, when it is me not taking them properly, because they do work. I do not cut myself, never have...but not too long ago, my hubs did put a gash across the inside of his elbow and tried to hide it from me. I do such things as not eating etc, gross neglect, smoking cigarettes and if really, really hurt sometimes, rarely I go on a big drunk to knock out pain, and that is something I cannot afford to do to myself again. I did it the night I saw the gash in hubs arm. So, I can certainly understand you hiding it as my hubs did. I hid my drunken state from him, asked him to leave for the night so that I would not say mean things to him. My most dreaded question is what did you eat today. I really try to hide that. I put a healthy plate together for hubs, but have not eaten today. He just asked me to please eat something today.

OMG, your hospital!!!!!! Ours are wonderful, but still I do not want to ever go inpatient again. I DO NOT WANT TO BE LOCKED UP! And the cost of a 5-7 day stay is enough for me and hubs to go live in Argentina for 6-9 months. For the first 3 days I am grateful, but very demanding, I expect my hubs to come stay with me every minute. And then I just want out, free...to smoke as many cigarettes as I want, to be amongst my own things, in my own home. rolls eyes.

Oh, I surely do know how these things can strain our relationships with husbands or signicant others. We both got too sick at the same time and he almost divorced me without wanting to or understanding why, but he sure wasn't nice. But then I was spiralling out of control and was not nice either, I probably pushed him to breaking point. Yeah, I did. But as he has similar diagnoses, he is the only person I am really comfortable with in person and we are very understanding, compassionate and close because of our shared experiences. You and your hubs have been married along time, but evenso we can still become strangers to each other.

I, too, get to where I do not talk to anyone.
But, eventually, I will come back around to SR as it is such a lifeline that helps me and I cherish each friend and consider you a great friend.

As I have posted this, I have eaten a good size portion of brown rice baked in cream of celery, cream of chicken soup and milk. I did not eat any of the chicken. But drank some apple juice. I will have some mandarin oranges later when I am wanting something sweet and snacky. I love yogurts and am prone to live on them at rough times.

They say we are sick as our secrets, so as you are revealing yours, I will meet with you and reveal mine. I do believe, with support, all of us can work thro' our things together.
I do not care that you keep your name safe. That is a smart thing to do. I know my husband respects my privacy. He knows this is my therapy site and would never snoop on me. I know of no one else who would go to the effort to try to find things out about me. They won't look up my illness in 20 years, so I just don't think they are going to come looking for me. My husband does get paranoid as a bad side effects of meds, which we have now had changed. And I will now take mine, better late than not at all.

love and hugs,
live