[hippyhippy]

I don't know what is happening to me. My mood has plummeted right down really badly. I have been rapidly cycling/mixed for ages, but this is really getting a grip of me.
My meds have not been changed as such, but I have to take them all at night instead of morning and night as I kept on forgetting the morning dose, but never the night time one. It is only day 4 of this regime and I don't know if it has anything to do with that or not or if my mood is just a progression from where I have been of late. I also don't know if it is a catch up from my stint of trying to come off them or all the times I kept on forgetting them.

I have been self injuring to the point of obsessive. I have had to hide my arms and legs from my husband (who would go absolutely mad) I look like a chequers board. I am feeling so hemmed in by life and frequently my thoughts are turning to suicide. I can't talk to my husband about any of this and I am trying to maintain a 'normal' front and the only thing he knows about it is that I am escaping to my bed as early as I can possibly get away with. Sometimes even before the children are in their bed, leaving him to put them to bed himself. Sometimes I am escaping, just so I can self injure more.

I had a stressful weekend, but I got through it and I should be proud of myself, but I am not. I have stressors coming up and I don't think I can cope, mainly to do with my husband.

I have lost faith in getting better, the people who help me and I am scared of where this mood is taking me. I just want to run away and I feel dangerously close to this, which has been my way of coping before, to run away and sleep in the car. I know this isn't the smartest thing to do, but I feel so pressed. I feel if I stay here, then I will do something really stupid, but I know that sleeping in lay bys is not the most sensible thing too.

I don't know what I am looking for here. Advice, friendship, anything?

Hippy