SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Just when I was starting to trust him again..

cen616 · 04-21-2008, 12:28 PM

The phone bill has been a constant battle for me since my A relapsed. Because he asked me to delete the dealer's number from his phone (and all sent/received calls) after his first use, and I've got a near photographic memory, that number's burned into my brain. I fight a constant urge to check up on him through the phone records.

The phone bill's what got him caught on uses 2 & 3 (there've been 4 total in this relapse, so far). The first time because I was checking on his 12-year-old's usage (we have to monitor her because she tends to go over minutes, texts, etc.) and saw the dealer's number all over the prior day's activity. The second time was because he couldn't remember the number right and tried to log in to our account to look at the phone records. He also couldn't remember the password right, and I got an e-mail from AT&T saying somebody was trying to access my account and it had been locked due to incorrect password attempts. When I went to unlock it, I saw where he'd been trying to dial the number over and over and missing by a digit...until he got "lucky" and got through.

Both times I got the answer from the phone records, though, it was just because it happened. I didn't go looking. After that, though, I did spend a day or two logging in every 30 minutes...Did he call the dealer? Did the dealer call him? Then, I realized how insane that was...I can get the info...But, what good will that do???

If he's going to use, he's going to use. If I'm monitoring him all I'm really doing is attempting to validate my trust or lack thereof. It won't change anything for him, or me, and will just make me nuts.

Contacting the dealer won't help, either. (It did cross my mind VERY briefly.) The dealers don't care if they are destroying a person--a family--children's lives. They are trying to make a buck in the most despicable way possible. After my A's first use, I was sitting right next to him when the dealer called at 8am the next morning. My A said, "NO!! I'm done. I'm finished. Not interested.", hung up and had me delete the received call, again. But, that didn't stop the guy from checking back later that afternoon or accepting the next call my A made to him.

I feel for you...I really do...I try very hard to keep the three C's in the forefront of my mind at all times...

04-21-2008, 12:28 PM	#8 (permalink)
cen616 Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Louisville, KY Posts: 47	The phone bill has been a constant battle for me since my A relapsed. Because he asked me to delete the dealer's number from his phone (and all sent/received calls) after his first use, and I've got a near photographic memory, that number's burned into my brain. I fight a constant urge to check up on him through the phone records. The phone bill's what got him caught on uses 2 & 3 (there've been 4 total in this relapse, so far). The first time because I was checking on his 12-year-old's usage (we have to monitor her because she tends to go over minutes, texts, etc.) and saw the dealer's number all over the prior day's activity. The second time was because he couldn't remember the number right and tried to log in to our account to look at the phone records. He also couldn't remember the password right, and I got an e-mail from AT&T saying somebody was trying to access my account and it had been locked due to incorrect password attempts. When I went to unlock it, I saw where he'd been trying to dial the number over and over and missing by a digit...until he got "lucky" and got through. Both times I got the answer from the phone records, though, it was just because it happened. I didn't go looking. After that, though, I did spend a day or two logging in every 30 minutes...Did he call the dealer? Did the dealer call him? Then, I realized how insane that was...I can get the info...But, what good will that do??? If he's going to use, he's going to use. If I'm monitoring him all I'm really doing is attempting to validate my trust or lack thereof. It won't change anything for him, or me, and will just make me nuts. Contacting the dealer won't help, either. (It did cross my mind VERY briefly.) The dealers don't care if they are destroying a person--a family--children's lives. They are trying to make a buck in the most despicable way possible. After my A's first use, I was sitting right next to him when the dealer called at 8am the next morning. My A said, "NO!! I'm done. I'm finished. Not interested.", hung up and had me delete the received call, again. But, that didn't stop the guy from checking back later that afternoon or accepting the next call my A made to him. I feel for you...I really do...I try very hard to keep the three C's in the forefront of my mind at all times...