[jerect]

I was just starting to trust my AH again. For two and a half months he has been going to NA and AA meetings religiously and seems excited about them. He would be where he said he was and he seemed to be honest with me when I asked him questions. I still had my doubts but for the most part I was starting to feel better about his recovery.

Friday I got our cell phone bill. I combed the bill for calls to drug dealers, numbers I have memorized. There were no calls and I was starting to think.. OK, I can finally breath now. I decided to check the text messages because verizon will give you a list of numbers that were texted and recieved. Here is where my trust was shattered again. I saw two text messages where my husband texted his pill dealer. He texted him on two seperate occasions about two days apart. There was no indication that the drug dealer contacted him back and I'm hoping it's because about two months ago, when my AH was first getting cleaned. I texted his Drug Dealer and told him that I was AH's wife and I knew his name and number and I did not want to ever see his number on my phone bill again.

Needless to say I went ballistic. I asked my husband WHY? Why did he contact this dealer. He gave me some lame excuse that he was contacting him to tell him he was clean. I reminded him that he told me that he already did that and then he changed his story and said that he was embarrased by what I did ( when I threatend his drug dealer). He told me that I was F'd up for going though the phone bill in the first place. I told him that he brought this all on himself. I go through the phone bill because the phone bill does not lie.

I have searched everywhere I know to search and I have not found any pills. Though I haven't found any pot either and I know he smokes it like a chiminey because I smell it on him daily. So that just means that I'm not looking hard enough.

I just don't get it.. He goes to NA meetings and AA meetings at least 4 days a week and I know he is going because he brings home pamplets and books he has gotten there. So why the Heck does he feel like he has to contact his drug dealer? Why does he feel like smoking pot is ok? He doesn't seem to get that he is not sober if he still smokes pot. He had an interview last week for a really good job, you would think he would make the effort not to smoke the stuff so that he could pass the drug test. But it does not seem to phase him. I'm so tired of the lies. I'm so tired of the irresponsiblitly.Will it ever end, or does it only end when I leave him?