SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - When the Codependent Mother Drive the Codependent Daughter crazy

Chrysalis · 04-20-2008, 03:13 PM

I don't usually post here although lately I have thinking that I should look more closely at this whole ACOA thing. Truthfully speaking i have been avoiding this whole topic because I am working on my Codependency within my marriage and if I even have once piece of literature or book regarding Adult children of Alcoholics my husband will use the "see she was crazy to start with, I'm not the problem, she has unresolved issues from her childhood' routine.

Anyway, so my Adad is 71 and still drinking and my mom has been draining his booze and yelling for 46 years. Needless to say, I was raised by a classic Codie Mom. I have been attending Alanon for almost a full year and feel like I am making progress on my side of recovery but I seem to struggle when it comes to my mother.

Today my mother offered to come over and help me prepare some food for the freezer since I have a big dinner coming up next weekend. Once we were done the prep I went up for a shower and by the time I came back down she had the vacuum cleaner out and was vacuuming out the air vents in the floor. Then it started...'look at these vents they haven't been cleaned out in ages, what does your nanny do all day?" then 'Look at your fridge there are empty conatiners in there", "your sink stopper is disgusting", 'Look at this corner where the mop can't reach, she should get on her hands and knees and wipe that by hand.' It went on for about 15mins.

My reply was that it never occured to me to tell the nanny to vac the ductwork but I would next week. Then she got even angrier because I should have to tell her; she should know. From there it went to she should have to be told to do anything she should know better if she is a nanny then she needs to see what is her responsibility. I told her that she shouldn't get so upset by it and that I would mention it to her. She got even more upset and said it was my money that I was using to pay her and if I was happy with it that's fine and she walked out!

I thought it was best that she left at that point anyway but I must say that I am extremely bothered by the entire event. I keep telling myself that she doesn't have coping tools for her Codie but it doesn't bring a whole lot of relief.

And that's my first post in the SR section that I probably belong to.

Chrysalis
aka CoDeependentMe

04-20-2008, 03:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
Chrysalis Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Toronto Posts: 138	When the Codependent Mother Drive the Codependent Daughter crazy I don't usually post here although lately I have thinking that I should look more closely at this whole ACOA thing. Truthfully speaking i have been avoiding this whole topic because I am working on my Codependency within my marriage and if I even have once piece of literature or book regarding Adult children of Alcoholics my husband will use the "see she was crazy to start with, I'm not the problem, she has unresolved issues from her childhood' routine. Anyway, so my Adad is 71 and still drinking and my mom has been draining his booze and yelling for 46 years. Needless to say, I was raised by a classic Codie Mom. I have been attending Alanon for almost a full year and feel like I am making progress on my side of recovery but I seem to struggle when it comes to my mother. Today my mother offered to come over and help me prepare some food for the freezer since I have a big dinner coming up next weekend. Once we were done the prep I went up for a shower and by the time I came back down she had the vacuum cleaner out and was vacuuming out the air vents in the floor. Then it started...'look at these vents they haven't been cleaned out in ages, what does your nanny do all day?" then 'Look at your fridge there are empty conatiners in there", "your sink stopper is disgusting", 'Look at this corner where the mop can't reach, she should get on her hands and knees and wipe that by hand.' It went on for about 15mins. My reply was that it never occured to me to tell the nanny to vac the ductwork but I would next week. Then she got even angrier because I should have to tell her; she should know. From there it went to she should have to be told to do anything she should know better if she is a nanny then she needs to see what is her responsibility. I told her that she shouldn't get so upset by it and that I would mention it to her. She got even more upset and said it was my money that I was using to pay her and if I was happy with it that's fine and she walked out! I thought it was best that she left at that point anyway but I must say that I am extremely bothered by the entire event. I keep telling myself that she doesn't have coping tools for her Codie but it doesn't bring a whole lot of relief. And that's my first post in the SR section that I probably belong to. Chrysalis aka CoDeependentMe __________________ Chrysalis Formerly known as CoDeependentMe