| Hey Tay
Hope you are still thinking and open to discovery. I thought about you last night. Thinking about others who are struggling is my most powerful therapy.
Been thinking about the childbirth analogy. I think it is a good one for looking at "control." When it comes to pregnancy, the only thing you control is conception. After that, it is all about process. Your little one needs you, but you control none of it. You have surrendered to the fact that you are the best you can do is do nothing. The only control you have is in interfering. You surrender by guarding and insuring that you remain healthy and uninjured.
So too with alcoholism. We alcoholics only control by taking that first drink. Natural processes in the alcoholic, whatever they are, take over from there. We simply nurture and protect them. We somehow ensure our birth as an addict. An unwell situation.
What is obfuscated in all this, by the alcohol, is our body and mind that is striving toward wellness. It wants to be born as well, and for a time, it does well. We heal. The hangovers, vomitting, blackouts, etc are actually the body's attempt to heal. But we interrupt the process, by thinking we can control it by drinking. Hell, when I was a kid doctors would try to "control" infant colic and and distress by prescribing small doses of alcohol!
So, do we surrender to alcohol or surrender to wellness? You've made me think. I guess I've surrendered to the natural process of wellness. You women do it all the time (to our astonishment!) when you accept the absolute craziness of pregnancy and childbirth. You surrender to stuff that would kill a man, because of the wonderful consequence. Well, sobriety is a wonderful consequence. Can we simply surrender while wellness gestates? Can we take care of ourselves to insure its healthy delivery and lifelong positive outcome?
As a man, I'll gladly accept the discomfort of recovery over pregnancy and childbirth. I know I can't control it as it (recovery and sobriety) grows inside me. It's just a natural process. I can certainly abort it. Just have a drink and bingo. But I WANT this child more than anything. Wellness will give me something to live for and care for until the day I die. When I am well I will feed it, nurture it, give it everything it needs to grow to maturity. It will be a pain in the as* sometimes. We know that at the outset but keep on having children. We want our children to have better lives than we had. So to the child that is a well person. I want my sobriety to someday go to college and graduate with honors. Perhaps my sobriety will give birth to other children who are people I can assist to sobriety. So that I may die the parent of me, a sober man (the child is father to the man) with many grandchildren. All I have to do is surrender to the processes that are already there because I have conceived them. I can only get in the way by trying to control that which I can never control. That's humbling.
warren |