Seacup,
I'm sorry you are going through this.
Have you tried meetings? I know that face to face support, along with people on this board, helped me get to the place where I could set boundaries, healthy boundaries for me. There were tough decisions to be made, but guess what? AD survived them and really learned some lessons when this mama quit enabling. And boy did I enable. But I finally realized that when I was enabling, all I was doing was robbing my AD of the opportunity to learn responsiblity. And wasn't that what I was trying to grow her into, a responsible adult? Sure was. And as soon as that light came on, I began to be able to step back, let go and let God, and stay out of the way so her HP could get to her.
Prayers and hugs cause I know how hard it is being a mama in this situation.
Hangin' In