[woodtick]

Hi not, welcome to the board. Glad you could make it.

Everybody that has posted is absolutely correct that you need to see a doctor. You don't have to live the way you are living. It is not normal. Your condition, which I also believe is depression, is so treatable with medications and therapy. Many people out there are suffering from depression for no good reason simply because he or she doesn't seek help. I see both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. The psychiatrist perscribes/monitors my meds and gives advice on improving my therapy along with generally keeping track of how I'm doing. My therapist, a psychologist, basically analyzes my thoughts and feelings and tries to understand who I am and how I got this way.

I saw my therapist this morning as a matter of fact. We talked for over an hour about me and my life. I suffered from depression for many years. Like you I extracted no satisfaction or pleasure from life. I got angry often and drank booze to escape. It took me a long time to progress to that point and honestly, it took a while to get back to normal. I'm at a point now where I don't take antidepressants anymore, just meds for my ADHD.

Once again I beg you to see a mental health professional and tell him or her exactly what you told us. Don't be embarassed, ashamed, guilty, or shy about it. Don't skirt the truth, you will only hurt your recovery. On the same token, only talk about what you feel comfortable with. I found that in time I built a trust with my therapist. I learned that the more I told her the better she could understand me and help me.

You did not make the choice to feel how you are feeling and it's not your fault. It just happens and those in the profession understand that. You will find compassion and help if you seek it.

If for some reason you aren't feeling comfortable with your therapist, try a different one until you find one that you make a connection with. It took me three tries at the clinic I go to before I hit gold.

Do you have health insurance? If you don't you need to try to find coverage because I don't know anybody that can afford treatment without it, assuming you will need treatment. In some states you can contact the social services about cheap or sometimes free medical insurance. I live in Minnesota and we have a program called Minnesota Care. Insurance premiums are based on your income/ability to pay if you qualify. Contact your school's financial aid department and ask about health insurance for students.

Please get going on this asap. It is highly unlikely your problem will go away. You could get much worse if you fail to act.

Keep coming back here and let us know how you are doing. You will find many friendly people who have been where you are and can give good advice.

Take care,
Wood