October, my youngest was a cutter, so I have some experience with it, but not as a cutter myself.
I can relate to the paranoia as during my last using days (I was an IV meth user), the paranoia was almost unbearable.
I did battle with some pretty severe anxiety early on in recovery, but have managed to work through that issue as I have with so many others in my 12 step program.
I've found most emotional issues have been resolved over the years, with the exception of the depression, which has been with me starting in my teen years.
I hit a really really rough spot late last year where the depression had become so severe, I found myself in the computer chair most of the day, almost completely immobilized, and to the point where drinking was not an option, but sticking a gun in my mouth was.
I have been in therapy before, and once again reached out. I also requested a medication evaluation with the psychiatrist there.
Between the therapy, adding a second antidepressant, tweaking the dosage via regular follow-ups with the psychiatrist, and continuing to stay active in my own recovery through AA, I am finally climbing back out of that abyss that I was sure had me for good this time.
I am glad you feel welcome and accepted. God knows plenty of folks accepted and loved me just as I was when I first found recovery, and that kept me hanging on until I started making some progress.
