SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Abuse

tangerine13 · 04-11-2008, 09:53 AM

Hi everyone,

I can relate to all of you, I dont remember much of my childhood, the things I do remember makes me angry, embarrased, worthless, shameful, and a lot of other feelings! My sister and I were both sexually abused by a woman at a young age, and I believe I was abused by my grandfather. (I have little flashbacks of him touching me but thats it)

I started drinking to escape the pain. Here I am almost 30 years later, lost in a marriage with two kids, and havent stopped doing drugs. Some days I get up and feel good, and want recovery, and can do this on my own. Days like today, I feel like I need to go into inpatient treatment again. I am on many meds, weaning off all the addictive ones, but still using marijuana. I use it for pain, thats what I tell myself, I want to quit. I flushed what I had left the other day, but got more.

I have so many things I have never told anyone before, and I need to get all these secrets out. What am I so afraid of? I think its the shame, I have so much already and dont think I can take anymore. *tears* I need serious help. I thought I could do this on my own, I dont think I can.

I struggle to find some kind of self worth everyday, but its so hard to find. anway, My insurance only covers 30% of inpatient treatment, and around here, the rehabs are getting smaller by the day around here. Im going to make some calls today, and see what I can find. Im really happy I found Sr.

Tangerine13

04-11-2008, 09:53 AM	#29 (permalink)
tangerine13 Guest Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 48	Hi everyone, I can relate to all of you, I dont remember much of my childhood, the things I do remember makes me angry, embarrased, worthless, shameful, and a lot of other feelings! My sister and I were both sexually abused by a woman at a young age, and I believe I was abused by my grandfather. (I have little flashbacks of him touching me but thats it) I started drinking to escape the pain. Here I am almost 30 years later, lost in a marriage with two kids, and havent stopped doing drugs. Some days I get up and feel good, and want recovery, and can do this on my own. Days like today, I feel like I need to go into inpatient treatment again. I am on many meds, weaning off all the addictive ones, but still using marijuana. I use it for pain, thats what I tell myself, I want to quit. I flushed what I had left the other day, but got more. I have so many things I have never told anyone before, and I need to get all these secrets out. What am I so afraid of? I think its the shame, I have so much already and dont think I can take anymore. tears I need serious help. I thought I could do this on my own, I dont think I can. I struggle to find some kind of self worth everyday, but its so hard to find. anway, My insurance only covers 30% of inpatient treatment, and around here, the rehabs are getting smaller by the day around here. Im going to make some calls today, and see what I can find. Im really happy I found Sr. Tangerine13