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not · 12-09-2003, 09:09 AM

I hate this feeling of not knowing what to do. So mabey you all can give me some hints.

I sometimes get so down in the dumps nothing can cheer me up. My arms get heavy and I just want to cut them to lighten them up. But I never would. So, even though I haven't done this either, I want to do drugs to distract me. Then since I know I wouldn't do that either I just want to die. Like just lay down and die. I could just sit in this chair I am in right now and that would be it. It would take so much effort to even get a drink. Things that I would think would make me happy don't. I had to take a state exam to pass this math class and I did. It is pass fail. If you have a 100% in the course and failed this test you fail the class... So I get my results and I passed. I didn't even care. I kept telling people how happy I was but I don't feel happy. I don't care... Is that not something I shoud care about? I don't care about anything... School, work, playing my guitar or even surfing. Nothing. Why do I not feel human? I thought about seeing a counselor except the one I picked I don't like so now I have to find another and I am not the richest person in the world. I hate Christmas... I don't think I like anything. Some help might be nice but i don't even know... I just want to say f-it all.

12-09-2003, 09:09 AM	#1 (permalink)
not Paused Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: ? Posts: 2	no subject I hate this feeling of not knowing what to do. So mabey you all can give me some hints. I sometimes get so down in the dumps nothing can cheer me up. My arms get heavy and I just want to cut them to lighten them up. But I never would. So, even though I haven't done this either, I want to do drugs to distract me. Then since I know I wouldn't do that either I just want to die. Like just lay down and die. I could just sit in this chair I am in right now and that would be it. It would take so much effort to even get a drink. Things that I would think would make me happy don't. I had to take a state exam to pass this math class and I did. It is pass fail. If you have a 100% in the course and failed this test you fail the class... So I get my results and I passed. I didn't even care. I kept telling people how happy I was but I don't feel happy. I don't care... Is that not something I shoud care about? I don't care about anything... School, work, playing my guitar or even surfing. Nothing. Why do I not feel human? I thought about seeing a counselor except the one I picked I don't like so now I have to find another and I am not the richest person in the world. I hate Christmas... I don't think I like anything. Some help might be nice but i don't even know... I just want to say f-it all.