[hippyhippy]

Title says it all really. I have been reducing my mood stabilisers and anti psychotics over the past week. I have reduced them by a 1/3. I kind of want to try and prove that I am BP or not. I know this seems silly but I just can't get it, I really can't. I can't see how I am BP. I have felt no ill effects of reducing them and my plan is to start reducing the anti d's to alternate nights, then every third. I am so full of chemicals and there might be no reason for it.

I know this sounds strange, but I really believe that I am master of all that has happened to me. I believe that all the stupid things I have done, the decisions I have made, I have known full well what I was doing. I have behaved appallingly but I was making decisions all the time. Don't ask me why....I am not saying I haven't been a bit disturbed at the time or something....but I just don't think I am BP. (I know I am getting to be a broken record on this one) I tell this to the doc and my mental health nurse and therapist and they all just nod placatingly (the pdoc doesn't....he insists I am) I think the therapist and nurse agree with me but they can't say as that would be unprofessional. It all just seems hinged on so little evidence. I must have gotten the quickest diagnoses of anyone in the world.

The thing is, I don't really think I am completely mentally well, in fact, I am pretty sure I am not, or I wouldn't have done the things that I have done (and oh boy have I done some stupid things), but needing mood stabilsers, anti depressants and anti psychotics just seems a step too far. As for anti d's. They never really did anything for me except make me sleep (which is quite nice to be honest) The mood stabilisers and anti psychotics I don't think have helped me....It was ME who helped me....I decided to stop doing all the sh**e stuff. I think I could get even better if I really tried but something is stopping me.

Anyone done similar? Anyone get what I am going on about? I know if I told hubby he would pretty much go apes**t. Aside from all of this (possibly what started all this off) I think my Mental Health Team are laughing at me. I am pretty paranoid about this and when I see one I am thinking "what you been saying to him/her?"

I don't have a problem as such with being BP.....if I AM! But if I was diagnosed with Asthma and I thought they were wrong it would be the same thing.

Hippy