[newsandi]

I dont know where to begin or where I left off at since I haven't been around lately. So I will just give a somewhat overview of whats been happening. My son spent early Jan. in the hospital after going thru what we thought at the time was a mania stage of bipolar. He spent a couple weeks in the hospital and was diagnose with bipolar with psychosis behavior. When he got out of the hospital the following day the same behavior and was admitted again. When he got out he was a totally different person then I have ever known. So with anyone that has a family member that has a serious mental illness, they pretty much go thru the mourning stage of losing someone they once knew, you also go thru the fear, depression, guilt and anger. Just about every emotion out there that is negative. Well he would walk around with his ipod on his head and not say much and just was really strange to me. He was staying at my parents house at that time but I was there every day trying to monitor him and document whatever I could to keep records on everything. Finally I had him move back in with me, which was the best thing to do. I needed to take care of him and make sure he took his meds. When you are at his age, these kids dont believe they have anything wrong with them so he would skip his meds, he would still drink and smoke weed and he started getting really bad again. He had another psychotic break or whatever you want to call it and he was admitted back into the hospital but this time I took him to a local hospital that I thought would be able to help him more. And I have to say this hospital was wonderful and there wasnt a day that didnt go by that I wasnt there or someone from the family. He slept the majority of the time there. But thats because they put him on Thorazine which is a whole other issue I dont agree with but thats in the past. I had to go to a probate court hearing to have everyone speak about his issues so that he would remain in the hospital longer to make sure they could properly medicate him and get a diagnosis, my own opinion, diagnosis take a lot longer then a hosptial stay. They did however get the records from his previous hospital stay, to help determine things. Well they diagnose him with schizophrenia/parnoid type. I totally broke down and went back thru the above feelings all over again. When I think of this illness, I think about a little old homeless lady pushing a cart in the inner city talking to herself. After accepting this fate and gathering as much knowledge as I could possible get, I told myself, "ok Sandi, day by day" nothing more nothing less. I cant worry about his future or his life other then today, at this moment. He was released out of the hospital on the 27th, exactly a week ago. We had already fired the first pdoc we had because they were horrible and had already started before this last hospital stay seeing a thearpist (sp) and was working with them. The hospital already had our appt set to get his second injection of his meds, since he is not med compliant, injections are the best way to go. We also saw the pdoc the same day of the injection. I really like the doctor and he change his diagnosis to schizoaffective disorder. Which is having schizophrenia and bipolar. He takes a first generation med which is a problem and I am in the process of changing that but am concerned because I hate to change things but the side effects are just terrible. Some of the side effects can cause a serious illness that can cause death. He still take his mood stabilizers which work wonders. We also saw his counselor and decided to meet everyother week instead of every week because he is still just not with it. We have to go to the hospital in a couple more weeks to get blood work done to check his liver, thyroid and the theraputic (sp) levels to determine how things are going and then we will see his pdoc again after that. I have a planner that I document everthing, there is so much you have to watch for with the serious side effects that cause these fatal illnesses. I did have a job for the week before he got out of the hospital and I came clean with my boss on my son and told him I would have to take a couple hours off on that Friday to see my sons pdoc and he seemed to be ok with that. The next day he told me that they were not busy enough and wouldnt need me and called the temp service that I was working for and told them that I was not a good fit for the position and that I wasnt catching on, which is all bullcrap because the woman who were training me told me they didnt even need to proof any more of my work because I was doing so well. I blame being fired over my son having a mental illness. There is so much stigma on mi and it pisses me off to no end. The temp service told me not to confront him with the conflicting reason but I am the type of person that I stand up and tell it like it is and I told him off basically. He is a weasel and I hate anyone who turns a blinds eye from someone that is dealing with any type of mental illness. I am now happy that I got fired because after my son got home, I realize that I need to be here with him. I told my husband I dont care if my bills dont get paid on time or at all, my main focus is to help my son get better. I have also been dealing with tons of bills coming in for him and trying to get financial aid for all of them and still working on getting him disability. So my days are filled with a lot of phone calls and paperwork. Also trying to get a extension on his court hearing coming up. So needless to say I have been pretty consumed with taking care of my precious son that needs me more then the breathe I breath. I know this is very long and probably not that interesting but its my life. Thanks to my friends that have been asking about me and I really do appreciate your concerns and interest in what has been going on with me. God bless you all and please pray for me and my son. We can use all the prayers we can get.