A friend of mine was in the same place you are right now. One day he was talking with his brother (who had a bit more time in the program than my friend at that moment) and was lamenting over the struggle he was having with the “God” thing. His brother asked my friend if he doubted his faith. When he replied that he was, my friend’s brother told him, “If you doubt your faith, at least you have some faith to doubt.”
LL, the spiritual journey has a beginning and no end…you can take it as far as you want. The moral of my friend’s story was that any place you start on the journey, no matter how small or slight the faith might be at the time, is a good place to start. There are many people out there that probably wish they were doing as well as you because I can see that you are not starting at ground level zero. Where you are right now at 40 something days is right where you are supposed to be. Keep doing what you are doing. Each day you wake up you’ve just added another page to your brand new past. And once you get over this “hump” in the road, think of all the help and comfort you can give someone else when they find themselves at that same place.
Bloom where you are planted, my dear.
