Quote:
Originally Posted by bballdad  My friend Bill from AA called me about one hour ago.During the course of our talk,a question came up.It seemed like a tough question at the time because it forced us to really get honest with ourselves.If it all came down to one or two things,why do we do what we do in life?Whats the real purpose,the real seeking underneath our lives that drives us?What is it we really want?
In the end,what are you really searching for?
is it physical,emotional or spiritual soberiety?
Is it to just be happy?
Is it to just be better connected with our fellows on this earth?
Is it a deeper relationship to a HP?
Do we do it for a reason we just cannot pinpoint or figure out?
why?
I`ll post mine later today... |
What is it we (I), really want? - to be happy, of course that can be as difficult or simple to define as one makes it. I have to ask myself another question - do I want? Is it possible to not want?
Right before my fifth step - I was driving w/my sponsor to sit over a cliff that looks out on the pacific ocean, we got to talking and I asked him "Is there anyone you know, after 20 years sober that you can honestly say is truly happy?" - he did not have a direct answer - something more along of the lines of 'reasonable happiness' - but, there are moments of complete inner peace that he (and I have as well) has experienced since going through the steps and continuing to do a few simple things. Happiness? - I think the definition of such changes on a day to day basis. I can almost gaurantee that my idea of happiness will change when I get married, have children, have grandchildren, retire - so on and so forth. I do not think it is a static state of being - therefore I remove the struggle to obtain such a state.
Physical,emotional or spiritual sobriety? - I have come to believe that if my spiritual state is 'sober', and straightened out - the rest will fall in line. When I came back to AA, I wanted to be anything other than what I was, I just wanted to be comfortable in my own skin. I was promised a whole lot more than that - the ability to be useful to others is a satisfaction that is different than the wordly satisfactions I sought my whole life - those things are not necessarily good or bad, just different.
We talk about a fourth dimension that could not have been dreamed of - to put what that means into words immediately puts a fence around it hence diminishing it's meaning.
Right now, today? - Work is terrible - things are falling apart and my financial future is unknown. I still need to come into the office 9 hours a day (plus a 1.5 hour commute each way) and there are truly no answers to what is gonna happen soon. The whole environment is rather sick, and I certainly cannot change or influence the direction it will take. But I can get centered, and watch myself to remain that way throughout the day - I find there is an inner peace which spreads to those around me...what a gift.
But, I am 'reasonably' happy this morning. I can't ask for much more than that in the face of a dire situation.
Thanks for posting this bball - I am not sure how much sense I made, but the time it took to reflect on it all has brightened an otherwise dreary morning.
~Adam