[Lilya]

Ksos,

Thanks for what you wrote. It means a lot to me. I feel very tired today and didn´t sleep well because I´m working on my debt situation.

When you said you had read our old correspondance, I did the same, because the idea is good; we should learn from the past - but I stopped. I just couldn´t go on reading them right now. The reason is simple: I know I have progressed somewhat, but there are very difficult problems I have neglected to work on and been in total denial about it.

First and foremost: My debts. They are a bigger problem than I had anticipated and they continue to cripple me. I have a feeling my life would change even more for the better if I could just totally liberate myself from them.

Over the years I have gone to the bank to ask for loans - without really taking everything into an account - but now I have to do it really honestly. I felt so ashamed I called a hotline and got a name of a different finanical adviser who might have a different approach then the woman I saw. I don´t like the idea of selling all my stocks and bonds, but I´m committed to have this other person go over it to give me a second opinion.

Why is it so hard to give up a habit that makes us sick? I need to take out my tax returns and it seems so hard.

But I will look at this as a project. Ksos, I think life is made up of cycles. I also had a husband, two houses, a different pet and a stepson. Now I´m living in a different cycle. In it I hope to free myself of bad habits. I just need the energy to proceed. I feel the need to stall. I want to forget, go to a dinner party and play a different part.

In this or your next life cycle, Ksos, you will be building up a new life with a woman you love and reuniting with your daughter. It´s truly worth it.

Love and light,