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How do you know that? I mean, I don't know what I mean. I just think I should just pull it together ya know. I don't have a long saga. Why do I need to bother the man upstairs.
There is a guy who comes to meetings everyday drunk. He needs him more than I do. I go not drunk. He goes drunk. But he likes what he hears. I go drunk and I like the meetings but everthing else seems like I have to work with God and I believe in God, but not for me. I haven't really met anyone who felt that way before. I believe he helped all the others because they really needed him. I think God thinks I should do it myself. Cause I'm capable. No detox, no traumas. Just a mental messed up head. I think if I try hard and let God spend his time with others then more people will get better. I'm weird that way. I have a problem with deserving things. Always did. I tried to tell them at the meeting. They keep saying they will love me till I love myself. I hate that. Love and hate are strong words. People you don't know should say they love you. Its creepy.
I'm sad today. It won't stop raining and I just am sad. I knew 30 days was gonna be tough cause I had it before. I'm the kinda drunk who feels sorry for myself alone. That's just pathetic. I don't even think God likes me. People like people who are strong with self confidence. God probably does too.
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