| Don't you think God has others to help
who have more problems. I posted on the other God thread. That is my biggest problem with this program. I believe in him for others but not for me. There are worse people in AA than me. People with diseases and getting beaten and dying and all kinds of stuff. Why would he care about a quiet drunk who doesn't help themselves and sits in her house and just throws away the life he gave her.
I see God working in others at the meetings but they really came from some crap. I just made small piles of crap. I did it myself and nothing traumatizing or even worth drinking over if you ask me. I just did it.
I'm sad today. This first month of not drinking is very hard. I feel like punching someone's face in. I'd like a drink really honestly. I'm meeting my sponsor tonight. We are gonna talk and she's dragging, yes I said it. Draggin me to a newcomer's meeting. I feel like I"m just there ya know.
The only thing I"m doing now is just not drinking. The resting is just Blah! I feel fake. They keep telling me I'm in the right place. I still go to meetings everyday, sometimes twice. But I'd be lying if I said I feel good. Most of the time I think "What's the use? Who cares?" I wanna care about me. I don't know how.
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