SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

AbsentFriend · 03-18-2008, 11:15 PM

I was told years ago by an on-campus counselor that I was dysthymic, despite my thinking that I was fine. (I thought this because I had gotten past a major depression episode a few months earlier.) I realized later that I was anything but fine, but found it interesting that, just like in high school, other people knew I was unhappy long before I did.

More recently, a recent graduate of a psychology masters' program (who is 64, and whom I have known for 2 years) diagnosed me as having dysthymia and generalized anxiety disorder. I am also curious about the possibility of mild PTSD (not one major traumatic incident, but definitely sustained childhood trauma).

What I have been doing:

I have been in group therapy for nearly a year, working exclusively on becoming aware of my feelings and relating to other people from that authentic, more vulnerable place.

I am currently in a relationship, which is the most emotionally intimate relationship I have ever been in (through a LOT of work), but it is a breeding ground for my abandonment fears. Overall, though, we have gradually gotten closer and braver, and we have found the Imago type of couples therapy to be extremely helpful (2 sessions so far).

I have also been attending ACA meetings 3-5 times a week for a few months.

Where I still struggle:
As recently as 4 weeks ago, I had brief suicidal thoughts after a painful argument with him (I blamed myself - hated myself - for being the way that I am and reacting the way I did). I thought I was such a horrible person that to live would only bring more pain to the people I loved. I was able to separate myself from those thoughts within a few minutes, however, and recognize that it was "disease" thinking and NOT really who I am.

It can be hell living with 1) the repeating thoughts that I am "never good enough," 2) the fears of abandonment that turn quickly to anger when triggered, and 3) the shame after starting (and continuing) an argument that has nothing to do with the present.

Does anyone relate to this story, and/or take medication (now or in the past)? Did you find it helpful and/or worth the potential side effects?

THANK YOU in advance.

03-18-2008, 11:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
AbsentFriend If you are lost, stand still Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: James Island, SC Posts: 155 Blog Entries: 4	Don't know if meds would be a good idea I was told years ago by an on-campus counselor that I was dysthymic, despite my thinking that I was fine. (I thought this because I had gotten past a major depression episode a few months earlier.) I realized later that I was anything but fine, but found it interesting that, just like in high school, other people knew I was unhappy long before I did. More recently, a recent graduate of a psychology masters' program (who is 64, and whom I have known for 2 years) diagnosed me as having dysthymia and generalized anxiety disorder. I am also curious about the possibility of mild PTSD (not one major traumatic incident, but definitely sustained childhood trauma). What I have been doing: I have been in group therapy for nearly a year, working exclusively on becoming aware of my feelings and relating to other people from that authentic, more vulnerable place. I am currently in a relationship, which is the most emotionally intimate relationship I have ever been in (through a LOT of work), but it is a breeding ground for my abandonment fears. Overall, though, we have gradually gotten closer and braver, and we have found the Imago type of couples therapy to be extremely helpful (2 sessions so far). I have also been attending ACA meetings 3-5 times a week for a few months. Where I still struggle: As recently as 4 weeks ago, I had brief suicidal thoughts after a painful argument with him (I blamed myself - hated myself - for being the way that I am and reacting the way I did). I thought I was such a horrible person that to live would only bring more pain to the people I loved. I was able to separate myself from those thoughts within a few minutes, however, and recognize that it was "disease" thinking and NOT really who I am. It can be hell living with 1) the repeating thoughts that I am "never good enough," 2) the fears of abandonment that turn quickly to anger when triggered, and 3) the shame after starting (and continuing) an argument that has nothing to do with the present. Does anyone relate to this story, and/or take medication (now or in the past)? Did you find it helpful and/or worth the potential side effects? THANK YOU in advance. __________________ I'm movin' on / At last I can see / Life has been patiently waiting for me / And I know there's no guarantees / But I'm not alone (Rascal Flatts - "I'm Movin' on")