| really down but don't think it is a 'swing'
I am feeling incredibly sorry for myself. I can see where it is coming from and I don't think I am experiencing a moodswing as such, just plain blues but I am a bit scared that it is a swing and shrink thinks maybe so too as he wants to see me in a week when I thought he would be putting me onto monthly appts after todays visit.
I am going back to work tomorrow after a 5 month absence. I have only worked 3 months in the past 16 months. To say I am anxious is an understatement. The last time I was due to return to work I ended up in hospital ,suicidal, as I could not contemplate working life. So I am a bit further on than I was then, but it is still way too scary.
Today, I have had group therapy, pdoc and a psychology appointment. That is just too many people inside my head today. On top of that my mental health nurse has been trying to contact me (I think shrink has been in touch with her) and I have been avoiding her as I didn't want anyone else in that head of mine!
I want to retire to my duvet with sleeping pills (not my usual ones, the benzo's that are for emergencies when I want obliteration) but I can't have them as I am on my own with kids. Good thing really I suppose.
Oh well, I will have to do with normal sleeping pills (antipsychotics...they double up as sleeping pills) and a relaxation mp3.
Just wanted to vent I think.
Hippy
__________________ I'm not sure what normal is: healthful and fulfilling is what I want my norm to be. Patty Duke |