[shutterbug]

I'm not totally sure why i haven't been on a regular mood stabalizer....as the clinical amnesia leaves giant holes in my memory of the past 6 months, but:

While in day treatment, my sucky pdoc there put me on Abilify and i was told it was a mood stabailizer. It wasn't working and i quickly learned on my own that it is only sometimes used off-label as a mood stabalizer by some docs. I told her that was bull to do that to me....as i don't want to be someones guinea pig. I don't remember what we did, but i think that was when she told me Topamax was a mood stabalizer and started me on a very small dose of that.

Topamax also is only used off-label as a mood stabalizer!
However, soon after was when i insisted on having the ECT treatments and while in the hospital and going throught the treatments (several weeks, like 4-6 or something)....i was too fuzzy and stupid from the shock treatments to have even questioned anything at all really. And yes, shock treatments make you "stupid" for several weeks - for lack of a better word to use.

Once out of the hospital and back to work....i was handed scripts to fill myself and resume my own self care and daily taking of meds. I struggled at first to even take them and eventually questioned what the Topamax was all about since i new NOTHING about it except that i was taking it. That was a week or 2 ago.

Hippy -- you may be right about me being in a mixed episode, but i'm just not use to feeling this wired and up....so i haven't a clue. It's all just weirdness to me.

I haven't heard of those meds you mentioned. But i recently stopped smoking...about 3 months ago now...and i think that has a ton to do with my super-high, out of control anxiety. To the point that.....i hate it, but I've decided to go buy a pack to have on hand for my really bad moments like lastnight and this morning. All i can do is pray i won't go back to daily smoking, but i guess it's a risk i have to make.

anyway, coffee and cigs...here i come.