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shutterbug · 03-10-2008, 09:45 AM

Thanks guys.

Well it's 4-5 hours later and i'm wide awake and still hypomanic or something. Typically, when i'm hypo i have a hard time even recognizing it (until the giant crash comes following), but this is different. I feel wired, yet my body still feels fatigued for the most part.

I said it at least once after my 2 round of ECT treatments....that i feared they had somehow 'switched' me from being bipolar II (mostly depressive) to being bipolar I (mostly manic), but this feels like I'm actually lost in the middle somewhere!

For the first time, i actually FEEL like i'm heading toward insanity or that i'm already in it and there's worse to come.

I don't know what to do.
I mean, i just saw my therapist Thursday and i don't trust him to know what he's doing anyway so i don't know that going back right now would benefit me at all.
And my body is basically without a mood stablizer - and has been for too long (not my purposeful doing though) - and no one can fix that, only time can now with getting the Lamictal in my system over the next 4-6 weeks.

I'm also so very disappointed because of the art piece i did Friday night that i was SO excited about and what it could mean for my future (in that it was the beginning of me taking a new direction) ...and i've got hardly any positive responses on it.

I'm broken.

Jenna

03-10-2008, 09:45 AM	#4 (permalink)
shutterbug A picture's worth a 1000 words Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder Posts: 2,947 Blog Entries: 5	Thanks guys. Well it's 4-5 hours later and i'm wide awake and still hypomanic or something. Typically, when i'm hypo i have a hard time even recognizing it (until the giant crash comes following), but this is different. I feel wired, yet my body still feels fatigued for the most part. I said it at least once after my 2 round of ECT treatments....that i feared they had somehow 'switched' me from being bipolar II (mostly depressive) to being bipolar I (mostly manic), but this feels like I'm actually lost in the middle somewhere! For the first time, i actually FEEL like i'm heading toward insanity or that i'm already in it and there's worse to come. I don't know what to do. I mean, i just saw my therapist Thursday and i don't trust him to know what he's doing anyway so i don't know that going back right now would benefit me at all. And my body is basically without a mood stablizer - and has been for too long (not my purposeful doing though) - and no one can fix that, only time can now with getting the Lamictal in my system over the next 4-6 weeks. I'm also so very disappointed because of the art piece i did Friday night that i was SO excited about and what it could mean for my future (in that it was the beginning of me taking a new direction) ...and i've got hardly any positive responses on it. I'm broken. Jenna __________________ I'M FINE!! Fanatically Insecure Neuratic & Emotional Bipolar/Depression support: 1-800-950-NAMI(6264).