[lavendae]

Hi out there.... I havent posted in a few years.... but here I am again, needing the help.

I have been quite happy on my meds for a few years now, but in the last few months, I've been having issues taking them. I wont take them one day, or even two, and then its like..."how long can i get away with NOT taking them..." Not as in will I get in trouble or not, but how long will my head let me get away with not taking them. Its a really stubborn, obstinate feeling I have when I decide to not take them. I can usually go 3 or 4 days before I start to have withdrawl symptoms, and usually I start taking them again then.Once I went a week without taking them, and nothing bad happened.

But this past weekend I tried to do that, and led to a serious blowup on my part, and feeling suicidal-- something that has not happened in years.
I eventually want to get off my meds, but I'm clearly not ready yet, and worse, I'm not in acceptance about having to take them. Intellectually I know I have to, but inside.... well, I just want to be normal. On the other hand, I'm afraid to be totally without them. I want to take them like I used to pop Vallium, Vikes, etc., in my addicition-- for instant relief. My psychiatrist has explained to me that I cant do that, that there has to be a build-up in my system of the meds in order for them to work.

So I'm throwing it out there.... anybody else having/ had these issues? Thoughts? Suggestions?