Hi there gingercookie, and welcome to this wonderful website
I'm so sorry about your Dad, I know how hard that can be.
Both my biological parents died of alcoholism in their 60's, and they's alienated pretty much everybody. I have a number of "normie" friends who also have no clue what it's like to be raised in a "toxic family", and how that nightmare follows you well into adulthood. The good news is that we can repair the damage that was done to us, and have a life that is truly happy, joyous and free.
The way I resolve my ACoA issues, such as that whole "normal" thing is in three steps.
First I educate myself about the issue. That means picking up some books from my al-anon meets, or that have been recommended to me by people in recovery. I go to real life meetings of al-anon and _listen_ to everybody else share, I come here to this forum and read up what other people are saying about the subject.
Next I share my own feelings about the issue. I explain what I've learned in my readings, what I'm feeling about the issue, and how I think it applies to me. I ask the wise people in my meets out for lunch, and ask them to tell me how _they_ solved their issue.
Then I follow the instructions spelled out in the 12 steps of ACoA. I do a focused inventory just on the one issue, share that with my sponsor, and so on.
That works for me real well, but there are many other variation that work just as well for other people. If you browse around all the posts here you will see what everybody else does and you will be able to make a "recipe" of recovery that works best for you.
Welcome again, I'm glad you decided to join us
Mike