[Growing]

My husband came from a stable home....I have issues with his family...but that is another topic...I can relate to what you are saying about your husband wondering what is going on with you most of the time...my healthy relationships are the most challenging sometimes...My dad recently died in his disease 2yrs ago...my mom is a recovering alcoholic...she was sober and in aa several years before he died...she is still messed up now that he is gone...she stayed with him to the end...I had moved away at the time...so I didn't see his decline first hand...but my brothers and sister did...I am the eldest and was already moved out...like I said...

I am fairly new in my recovery pt.2...I just recently had a codependent slip that lasted 2yrs...before that I was involved with alanon 10+yrs....I also attended some acoa face to face meetings before I had my slip.

I will share with you what I have learned for me...so far: I get to determine what "normal" is now...normal for me is when I am taking care of me...not letting others needs overwhelm me...I have the tendency to become invisible to myself in the face of crisis or someone elses problems that I care about.

Normal is me standing up for myself and my needs in a balanced way. Normal also includes fun...fun is a fairly new...and strange concept for me...anyone who knows me will tell you I have a good sense of humor...but...I never used to seek out "fun" activities....anyone who knows me will tell you I am way too serious most of the time....so with acoa I am learning to deal with my issues....but lighten up as well...

I am learning the basics...I deserve good food, exercise, stimulating mental activities, friends...ect...all the best life has to offer. I am learning to admire and shhhh (copy) those whose recovery I aspire to.

JMHO...if I had to come up with a different name for acoa support groups------it would be "boundary" support groups...acoa's, in my humble opinion, need help with boundaries and taking care of ourselves....Self care is another big theme.

I don't know about you...but I also learned almost all of my general life skills after I had moved out. Checking account, savings, my drivers licsense, driving, grocery shopping, cooking....all of these things and more I learned from my husband mostly...some things I taught myself....my A parents didn't teach me any of these things...mom gave me a ride to work...so I had a job...thankfully...and I went to school...but that was about it for life skills.

One thing I am learning is that acoas have the characteristics in common...but our experiences with the a's in our life can be different...for example: my parents were raging/violent alcoholics....but I have read posts here where some individuals say that the alcoholic "was their best friend and a great person and they miss them very much"...so there are varied experiences that we can all draw from.

I don't know if my ramble made any sense...but I am glad you are here...I hope you keep coming back...keep us posted with any comments and questions....What is normal is a great question for a thread....BIG HUGS!!!!!