I use to ask the same questions. Well, basically I tried analysing it all, why, cant, should, did etc etc. How can she do this, how can she loose her life to this? Kids, house, husband, money etc. Well, she did and shes still drinking.
We will always love them, care, cry, hurt but in the end I accepted that this is not my life to live, its her. I understand addiction but at the end of the day the need to stop has to be theirs. To want life back so bad.
Only a post last week, I said, : I miss the person I once knew. Thats what I mourn.
Someone said back to me : They probably hope you dont miss that person because they never wanted to be that person in the first place. (this really made me think)
You can choose to mourn the loss of him, but you can also choose to turn the page and get on with your story. He may catch up one day or not.
Good Luck